uh...i knew something was wrong when the salmon fillet was round. what the hell is this? it tastes like salmon sausage or some crap. i didn't even know...ugh i can't even think of a word disgusting enough to describe this. where has my vocabulary gone? =( anyway, not a happy dessert to the nasty force-fed meal that was my second final.

brandon's friends like to IM me. some of them think i'm amanda and ask if i'm 17. i tell them i'm 20. and then i feel old. "do you really go to stanford?" yes, dear, i do. my little brother has not been lying to you this whole time. i'm feeling so not nice. =( i shouldn't be talking to 10-year-olds when i'm in this mood. but i'm behaving. really.

ugh. i hate finals. i hate how they make me feel so lacking and incompetent. the last time i actually felt good about any tests was fall quarter this year. geez. what a long time to be a loser. i know it's all my fault too...i can't seem to make myself motivated anymore. now it's time for the quarterly avowal of improvement: i will be on top of things next year, i will get my shit done, i will excel again. if i say it enough, eventually it's going sink in, right? maybe i should take a different spin on it this time. i must work from now on to punish myself for my stupid failures these last two quarters. i deserve to be a miserable workhorse. no more fun unless it's forced upon me.

...like dinner tomorrow with some of my hot babes. haha...but only because they're making me! yes, that is what i'm going to tell myself. i guess i can't ever be completely miserable because i have wonderful friends. =) y'all know who you are. you're special *breaks into barney song* uh...right. *cough* i love you. now i'm going to go be depressed and cram.