bitterness. it's so ugly...but i can't seem to work it out of my system. "forgive and forget," they say...easier said than done, my friend.

naturally, spite follows. spite is such an illogical, petty emotion. "this really won't affect you or hurt you in any way...but i'm doing it for the principle of the matter." yet can i really call it a principle if it's motivated by animosity?

i wish i could just let some things go--pick out the dark impurities and leave them behind--but i'm far too human. i hate being vulnerable. i hate feeling truly foolish. i hate being so wrong. it stains the heart and triggers defenses. it's been a long time--everything is very over--the hurt pride and trust have merely mutated into black sediment that i want to clean out someday.

never have i been as weak. i don't think i ever will be again.

easier said than done.