disconcerting...to realize something that would have cut you to the core before no longer has any influence, falling into a gaping emotional void. or maybe it hit a wall. i build pretty strong defenses these days.

in terms of romantic possibilities with guys, i've become so cynical. it's sort of sad. i seem to be skimming along shallowly, in like with various people, removing myself if it ever feels like the situation's getting too deep. have a little fun, move on before anyone can get hurt. makes me wonder if i'm capable of feeling much in those terms anymore. that's a scary thought--i've always imagined that i'd fall in love, whatever that is. i'm not even sure if i've stepped in it at all (well, the romantic kind at least). relationships in retrospect seems as insubstantial and filmy as dreams--did i ever feel strongly? or am i just that good at convincing myself that it was nothing in order to move on? i gotta be all logical and independent and shit. after the fact. hah.

~
completely different subject:
one of my pet peeves is very noticeable improper grammar in songs. i'm "all about the lyrics" (as oliver once said), so when the chorus is grammatically incorrect, it just grates. once i notice it's bad, i can't enjoy the song anymore! i feel like yelling at the radio, "it's not 'i wish i was,' it's 'i wish i were'!" i'm such a dork. and a geek. sorry. =)