sometimes i look at what consumes certain people's lives
and can't help but think that it's all so fucking petty.
there are people in this world going through so much more horror and pain and life

well, it's not like i don't fall into that self-absorbed pit either.

and then i realize all this petty everyday shit...
people have to worry about it.
if we all only looked at the big picture, nothing would ever, ever be accomplished
and no one could ever pay attention to the details

because the big picture is dark and depressing and utterly defeating in its seeming hopelessness
hunger, pestilence, hate, xenophobia, fear, death, ignorance, circumstance, misunderstanding, self-destruction

negatives are so much easier to distinguish than positives.

i wonder if i have too much perspective these days or whether i allowed my picture to get too big. much too often, i wonder, "what's the point?"

[disclaimer: don't worry, i'm not depressed. just started writing about something i was thinking about and it got darker than i intended. or maybe it's those evanescence songs i've downloaded...not the most uplifting songs but i like them. peek the lyrics.]

* * *
"Away from me" -Evanescence

i hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll
i hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds
but oh god, i feel i've been lied to
lost all faith in the things i have achieved
and i

i've woken now to find myself
in the shadows of all i have created
i'm longing to be lost in you
(away from this place i have made)
won't you take me away from me?

crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins
i look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
i can't go on like this
i loathe all i've become

i've woken now to find myself
in the shadows of all i have created
i'm longing to be lost in you
(away from this place i have made)
won't you take me away from me?

lost in a dying world i reach for something more
i have grown so weary of this lie i live

i've woken now to find myself
in the shadows of all i have created
i'm longing to be lost in you
(away from this place i have made)
won't you take me away from me?