i hate that i like boys. see, i don't hate boys; it's just utterly annoying that i have to like them.

i'm sure many of my friends would say (and have said), "yeah, it'd be so much easier to like girls!" the girls would say this because they know where i'm coming from and think that if we understand each other's angst so perfectly, we would theoretically mesh well as partners; the guys would say this because men have an odd fascination with lesbianism.

however, i believe that wouldn't help at all. it doesn't come down to gender-specific facts like "men are pigs," "boys are stupid," "males smell," or "penises are ugly" - no, even if i were lesbian, i probably still wouldn't be happy. face it: people are difficult and different. trying to build a healthy significant-other type of relationship with anyone with half a brain who isn't hypnotized and under your complete control is going to be difficult. even if i were somehow magically attracted to another female, we're guaranteed to have some incompatibilities. we'll be fickle, we'll doubt, we'll get jealous - the exact same problems heterosexual couples have to deal with too. so no, current annoyance with boy troubles is not a sign that i should be a lesbian. sorry, boys. and even if it were...no, you can't watch! ;)

what's with the obsession with lesbianism anyway? it's like how guys think female masturbation is hot; sure, they're naked, but you're not participating. maybe it's just the visual aspect that's titilating since men are supposed to be more visually aroused and women mentally aroused. whatever. i would expect that guys would be a little threatened by lesbianism because they wouldn't be wanted, but i suspect the guy reassures himself by thinking that he has the penis and the women don't. what's so great about having a penis though? seriously, freud must have been on crack when he thought up "penis envy" (he did enough crack anyway). i don't know any females who envy males their penises. although we probably are jealous of lack of menstruation and escaping childbirth.

by the way, did you know that the correct original plural form of "penis" is "penes"? of course, almost everyone uses "penises" so now that's accepted as correct too. if the day comes when grammarians give up and truly allow "your" and "you're" to be interchangable, i will curse all who have led english to that new low. is it really so difficult to understand contractions? that, and i think anyone who is not prepubescent yet misspells "angel" as "angle" is an idiot.

this post had no point. thank you.

* * *
"The Sound of Settling" -Death Cab for Cutie

i've got a hunger
twisting my stomach into knots
that my tongue was tied off

my brain's repeating
"if you've got an impulse, let it out"
but they never make it past my mouth

baa bah, this is the sound of settling
baa bah, baa bah

our youth is fleeting
old age is just around the bend
and i can't wait to go grey

and i'll sit and wonder
of every love that could've been
if i'd only thought of something charming to say

baa bah, this is the sound of settling
baa bah, baa bah

i've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots