Wonderful Jimmy Eat World & the No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Trip Home

To begin my Jimmy Eat World Concert Adventure, I take along my 13-year-old little brother, Brandon, and his 13-year-old friend, Ryan, who is disturbingly taller and larger than me. After inching through traffic on 880, we get some In-N-Out to eat in the car on the drive up to the Henry J Kaiser Arena in Oakland. Mmmmm, I think, animal-style fries!

Knowing me, what do you think I do with said fries? Yes, I scarf most of them, but a few special fries covered in animal-style goop fall on my beige cloth jacket and jeans. Now I have beautiful puke-like stains on my jacket and a suspicious splotch on my crotch. [Internal rhyme alert!]

Blah blah, wait in line outside the arena, yadda yadda. Brandon, Ryan, and I get in, find rather good spots in the middle of the standing-room-only area close to the stage. Sweet. My good pickle friend, Cathy, will be late because of work and traffic, but that's cool. I'll just hang with my brother and his friend in the middle of the crowd until she gets there.

Great idea until the moshing during Mates of States. [By the way, HOW THE HELL do you mosh to Mates of States? That is not moshing music.] I will never understand moshing. Refer to my BFD concert blog uh...some time ago for reflections on that. After getting pushed closer to the stage and the middle of lots of tall people with BO issues, Cathy Bao finally gets there. Yell yell yell, I finally push my way out of the masses of reeking moshers and teenybopper girls to the edge of the crowd and hang with my favorite pickle.

Taking Back Sunday goes on...quite rocking. I know exactly one song they play. Lead singer is crazy. His slightly baggy sweater reminds me of a dark straightjacket. Before Jimmy gets on, Cathy courteously shares her beers with me.

Jimmy Eat World is amazing. The most fun I've had rocking out in a long, long time. Yes, I start jumping and headbanging and making devil horn signs. Sweetness! Which was a really wonderful closer, by the way. Anyway, they play almost all my favorite songs...although I think they should have played more. Good times. Awesome live band. Christina is happy despite tall white dude's beer-spillage into her tank top and bra.

Eventually, the kids and I are on our way back home on 880. Brandon is thirsty, so I say we'll stop somewhere to get him a drink. But wait...drink? I had a large coke and beer and haven't gone to the bathroom yet. What's this feeling coming over me? It's getting stronger...stronger...I should...No, I have to...OH GOD, I NEED TO PISS. Probably not the wisest idea to attempt to find a bathroom at 11:00 pm in Oakland, so I hold it until Hayward. Exit...sweet, 76 gas station is still open! Wait...uh...these people loitering around the station don't look particularly friendly. Maybe they're looking at my car a little too intently...U-TURN.

Back on the freeway. Bathroom Attempt #1 was a bust. Very next exit, I stop at another 76 gas station. Sweet! Park, run out with kiddies. Try bathroom door...locked. Go to attendant window, the man doesn't even TALK to me, just points at a stupid ghetto-ass sign that says, "NO bathroom key." WTF. I try my desperate look on man...to no avail. Heartless bastard. Run back to car.

Back on freeway. Bathroom Attempt #2 was a bust. FINE, I will not fuck with Hayward again. My willpower will have to last until Union Landing. Yay, Alvarado-Niles exit! In-N-Out is a guaranteed open! Brandon tells me he doesn't want to buy a drink at In-N-Out and I should just go to Burger King since they have a gas station there anyway.

"Are you sure, Brandon?"

"Just go to Burger King!"

"If they're closed, I'm going to hate you. And probably pee in my pants."

Turn into yet another gas station...Oh shit, it's closed. Burger King must be open! It's fast food! I run to the employee who's at the door...THEY'RE CLOSING. I beg, beg, beg the woman to let me use the restroom, using my best pathetic-pity-me-my-bladder-will-explode look, manager sees it from across the floor, and tells her to let me go. PRAISE THE LORD. I suppose the third time was the charm. Not much feels as good as the relief of peeing after you really, really have to go.

But no, it's not over.

After dropping off Ryan, I'm almost homefree! Driving down Mission, it feels like nothing's going to stop me now from getting home. So wrong. PA-POW! Oh shit, what now? I must have run over something, but I can't tell what since it's dark. I get home fine, go to check my tires...and yes, the back passenger tire is hissing air.

Wonderful. Call up my cousin, he suggests I jack up that corner in case the tire deflates all the way and the rim gets damaged. Sure. Sounds simple enough. Okay, maybe I've never had to use a jack, but how difficult can it be?

Plenty difficult when you can't even remove the jack from your trunk. Someone really screwed that mother in tightly. Then I can't even figure out the jack I jack from my mom's Volvo. In the midst of my jack struggles, I start bleeding. Yes, I injure my finger. Of course. I love it. I am in such a good mood. At this point I just want to throw a tantrum and throw a few things, but don't worry. Fairly happy ending ahead!

Eventually my mom calls our super nice neighbor since she sees their light is still on. He even changes the tire for us. Yaaaay. Just have to get it fixed tomorrow.

THE END.

"23" -Jimmy Eat World

I felt for sure last night
that once we said goodbye
no one else will know these lonely dreams
no one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
and I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
not stopping...

it was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
no one else will have me like you do
no one else will have me
only you

you'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time
what are you hoping for?
I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready
holding on tight
don't give away the end
the one thing that stays mine

amazing still, it seems
I'll be twenty-three
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regret

you'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time
what are you hoping for?
I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready
holding on tight
don't give away the end
the one thing that stays mine...