prospective freshmen make me feel so old yet young at the same time. i remember when i was that energetic and young and naive and insecure--okay, maybe these kids aren't all that insecure. psh potential stanford kids and their top-of-the-high-school-mountain mentality ;-) naw i love my little profros. they're so excited--i miss being excited about anything and everything. i miss when things were so shiny and new and blooming.

now it seems difficult to hold on to the stem sometimes.

michelle and i were talking about that much-abused topic tonight: love. i have no doubt it exists in the familial sense--the loss of a family member is like ripping out a part of your very soul that will always echo that emptiness. but romantic love? can a stranger ever develop feelings strong enough to rival blood love? i look around at various relationships--so many people seem so very "in love," whatever that means. do people truly come to care so much for someone that their death is something so deeply felt that it affects you forever? or do you grieve for a while and move on, still intact? what if you just convince yourself that you should feel a certain way, think certain things--and convince yourself of whatever symptoms and results that come with your perception of "love"? would that be any less real than "true love" then? what the hell is "real" anyway?

sorry. i make no sense and just ask a lot of questions. and use too many annoying quotation marks. what do i know about anything? obviously not much. no experience with true romantic love here. you can chalk up so many feelings to infatuation in hindsight.

maybe falling in love is like stepping barefoot into dogshit on an unmown lawn--you don't know what you're in until you feel it. mmm...i love my analogies. admit it, you love them too.

random thought: nice hands and fingers are sexy.

* * *
"Fingertips" -Poe

your fingertips...your fingertips

sometimes i feel it burning
that deep and primal yearning
i feel it burn, burn, burning
i try live without it
but then i think about
those fingertips, those fingertips, those fingertips

anyone will do, anyone will do
could be you

it's in the way they move and
they catch that simple groove and
they tell a story all their own about the human heart alone
i try to get a grip but i find i always slip on fingertips
those fingertips, those fingertips

anyone will do, anyone will do
could be you

sometimes i get so lonely
the time it passes slowly, so so so slowly
i know i'm just a fool
'cause they're writing all the rules
those fingertips, those fingertips, those fingertips

anyone will do, anyone will do
could be you

whoever, whoever you are
i got my light on
whenever, whenever you can
i'll be there i swear
i swear...

let it be me
let me be your love