"You're not bitter, you're cynically hopeful."

so says the wire-picture-holder-thing that cher gave me for my birthday. i think it's pretty accurate. i'm not saying i'm completely free of bitterness, but i still enjoy the occasional "chick flick" and have some amusingly ridiculous daydreams. yet in general, i feel more of an emotionally detached...realism about life. it's not negative or positive--i just keep on reminding myself that most people have qualities both redeeming and disappointing. everyone's human.

as i get older, i get more apathetic about reminders. i would rather be with the friends and family i can now be relatively sure of, and perhaps work on one or two side projects of meeting and getting to know new people. the novelty and process of discovering someone else's personality and history, unraveling their mystery, should not be underestimated. people are fascinating; they just take so much work. and one of the saddest points is when you've discovered as much about a person as you ever wished. i don't think you can ever know every single thing about someone else, but you can know enough to not want to know anymore. that deadend is almost unbearably disappointing.

not everyone's a deadend though. see, i'm not so cynical. =)

* * *
"Break Your Heart" -Natalie Merchant

oh, people downcast in despair
see the disillusion everywhere
hoping that their luck will change
it's a little harder every day

people struggle, people fight
for the simple pleasures in their lives
the trouble comes from everywhere
it's a little more than you can bear

i know that it will hurt
i know that it will break your heart, the way things are
and the way they've been
and the way they've always been

people shallow, self-absorbed
see the push and shove for their rewards
with nothing nice on their minds
you can read about it in their eyes

people ruthless, people cruel
the damage that some people do
full of hatred, full of pride
it's enough to make you lose your mind

i know that it will hurt
i know that it will break your heart, the way things are
and the way they've been
yeah, i know that it will hurt
i know that it will hurt
i know that it will break your heart, the way things are
and the way they've been

don't spread the discontent, don't spread the lies
don't make the same mistakes with your own life
you know it will always come back

yeah, i know that it will hurt
i know that it will hurt
i know that it will break your heart
the way things are and the way they've been

don't spread the discontent, don't spread the lies
don't make the same mistakes with your own life
and don't disrespect yourself, don't lose your pride
and don't think everybody is gonna choose your side