i think i can already tell...
it's not going to be worth the effort.

driving back from home today, i realized i've been feeling the absence of stability--something i need but don't want. or maybe it's the other way around. in any case, it would probably ground me. it's difficult to focus when you're floating around with no anchor.

perhaps that's what people are searching for when they look for a relationship...stability, to be sure of someone. then what's all that crap about "the chase" or "the challenge"? our capitalistic mindset telling us that we need to work for something in order for it to be happy and if it comes too easily, we shouldn't trust it?

so many of us are drawn to drama and volatility like moths to flames (and i'm not necessarily talking about this in the romantic sense). it will be the end of us, but ooh, it's warm and look at the pretty colors!
this doesn't mean we're innocent of it ourselves though; we're human too. everyone's entitled to change their minds and be moody. it goes both ways.

i have this weird mental image of humans as jellyfish in the sea. we're all floating around, reaching out for each other at times and retracting at others--a mass of confused limbs our brains aren't even sure how to control. sometimes we think we want to grasp another jellyfish's tentacle, but it's moved away or we change our minds or maybe every now and then we make a connection, but who can trust the motives on either end? maybe we're only feeling horny or lonely or don't want to hold on that long after all.

i'm a jellyfish who strives for a strong, equal connection. yes, a bit idealistic, but it's not wrong to want something mutual, right? give and take...don't you feel guilty when you feel you're taking more and feel stupid when you feel like you're giving more? i do.

too much babbling...but that's what happens when i drive around in a car with no functioning radio. no song today because of my uncooperative car. happy, timmy? =P