the fear of revealing too much...
it is so difficult to find people you feel safe enough to let inside, where the world is not pretty, smooth, and simple. you just don't want others to see the ugliness you sense is there.

thank you to my pledge sis and little sis. i can't understand such unwavering support and love at times, but don't ever think that i am not grateful for them. you are simply amazing, and so very dear to me. i hope i didn't freak you two out too much.

sometimes you just have to act out of character, against what you feel you should do. i don't ever want to disappoint those i truly care about. if i cannot meet what i think they expect, let them not know i failed. yet humans weren't made to be constant and consistent; we are not statues. having life allows us to be unpredictable. and i suppose it might even allow us to fail.

maybe i hide too well and do not articulate well enough right now. i don't think even i will completely understand what i mean if i read this later.

things need to happen. i'm not sure how i'm going to make them happen, but i'd better get an idea soon.