quick little blog break.

one of those smartass anonymous people once said, "if at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." subconsciously, that's honestly been a tenet by which i have lived. who wants to face their failures? who would want to stir up the ashes of loss? not i.

yet today i came across a tiny scrap of forgotten yearning in my ratty bookbag. it's so simple to condition ourselves to destroy memories we grow to be ashamed of, memories of events that did not quite take us where we wanted to travel. i saw my words, and my first instinct urged me to crumple the paper and begin forgetting again--i actually felt this? what a loser. haha. but i forced myself to read my poem again, and though it was a first draft, jotted down in a minute or two at work, it evoked that crystal-clear Moment in my mind. it wasn't the happiest of times nor was it anywhere close to the most important, but i had felt--it reminded me i was alive.

as my life branches down unknown paths, some may be significant but many others will be ultimately fruitless, capped by failure and hurt. although it would be far better for our pride if we merely eradicated all trace of disappointment and pain, i've decided to try to resist this urge. one beautiful moment along a futile path may be worth the ache--and at least you can always learn and grow.

i want to lose myself - can you find me?