i've been wanting to blog but haven't really had the time...a lot has been on my mind though. to my girls, i am here for you--whenever, wherever, whatever. you only have to choose to talk to me. i will listen.

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i was pulled over by a cop for the first time two nights ago. that was fun. somehow BOTH my headlights went out, but i didn't notice at first because my fog lights were still on. what a pain. piece of shit car. police officer was nice enough to just give me a fix-it citation, but that's yet another thing to take care of.

i don't even have time to do my laundry! let's just say i've moved from regular underwear to granny underwear, finished those, and am now insanely uncomfortable in impractical panties. as every good college student knows, limiting factors for laundry are socks and underwear; socks are not yet necessary so i can last as long as i have clean underwear. and i really do not understand the concept of wearing thongs on a daily basis. good god, a constant wedgie canNOT be healthy.

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is there any point in reopening a musty chest full of old hurts and bitterness when you're not sure the cleaning will change anything? i remember feeling so strongly negative once; how can that be completely forgotten? yet it's difficult to remember how high and low things were when you're this far removed. i miss an easy comradery, knowing someone had fun with me, but what if those things are simply beyond the point of recovery now? it may hurt even more to open the slightly scabbed-over wound and discover it cannot heal completely and will only scar.

i've always been the type to form truly close bonds with only a few, and those closest to me mean the world. when i feel one of those few bonds have been broken, it's as if i lost a little piece of myself. looking through some old blogs, i realized how important you used to be to me and my entire college experience. i thought i was a good friend to you. so to be honest, i still blame you in letting our friendship die. and that death left an echo of emptiness with which i can live but will never be happy about. is it even possible to rebuild?

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on another note, i had been looking through my old blogs in an attempt to learn how long michelle has been my bf. it's been just over 10 months. michelle, you have been my longest relationship. i don't know whether to cry in joy or depression. sigh. i guess you've been a decent bf...except for the whole sexual gratification part. you frigid bitch. ;D

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"Life for Rent" -Dido

i haven't really ever found a place that i call home
i never stick around quite long enough to make it
i apologize that once again i'm not in love
but it's not as if i mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking

it's just a thought, only a thought

but if my life is for rent and i don't learn to buy
well, i deserve nothing more than i get
'cause nothing i have is truly mine

i've always thought
that i would love to live by the sea
to travel the world alone
and live more simply
i have no idea what's happened to that dream
'cause there's really nothing left here to stop me

it's just a thought, only a thought

but if my life is for rent and i don't learn to buy
well, i deserve nothing more than i get
'cause nothing i have is truly mine...

while my heart is a shield and i won't let it down
while i am so afraid to fail so i won't even try
well, how can i say i'm alive

if my life is for rent...