personal dynamics are too complicated, strewn with misunderstandings and glutted with infinite possibilities. i don't know what you're thinking, but it looks like something unpleasant. don't look at me like that. and you look like you don't want to see me. do you think you shouldn't stare or do you just not want me here? and you are too intent upon my face, with too many thoughts behind your eyes. do i have food in my teeth? what is it you don't want to tell me? i don't know anything unless you open your mouth. even if you do, how do i know what you really mean?

people like to dream that if there were a true connection between people, words wouldn't be necessary, it's more than words, the time spent together is even better when you say nothing at all. [yes, i just jacked multiple sappy song titles in the previous sentence.] in that respect, i think people expect too much. i don't know about you, but i'm not psychic. when things seem to just "fall into place" with a minimal amount of verbiage, that would be called a coincidence of both parties liking each other equally. and eventually, you'll have to talk.

don't get me wrong, i fully appreciate silences. i love silences. on average, i'm probably more happy in a silence than the other person who's most likely squirming on the inside and wondering why it's so quiet. however, conversation is so important - you can survive only so long on physical attraction and imagined metaphysical connections. although i so love imagining metaphysical connections :)

i'm not really sure why i'm rambling about this, but i don't think straight when cramping up in bed and listening to dashboard while staring at the wall. however, i do know that judy is a wonderful pledge sis and PHE for giving me aleve. and i do know that i will never ask a stupid question twice. so stop worrying.

and you thought i forgot, huh? nope. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEBRA! a sappy tribute to the birthday girl will be forthcoming. (i want to devote a whole entry to you, honeybuns ;) i love you!

* * *
"Both Sides Now" -Joni Mitchell

rosen flows of angel hair
and ice cream castles in the air
and feather canyons ev'rywhere
i've looked at clouds that way

but now they only block the sun
they rain and snow on ev'ryone
so many things i would have done
but clouds got in my way

i've looked at clouds from both sides now
from up and down, and still somehow
it's cloud illusions i recall
i really don't know clouds at all

moons and junes and ferris wheels
the dizzy-dancing way you feel
as ev'ry fairy tale comes real
i've looked at love that way

but now it's just another show
you leave 'em laughing when you go
and if you care, don't let them know
don't give yourself away

i've looked at love from both sides now
from give and take, and still somehow
it's love's illusions i recall
i really don't know love at all

tears and fears and feeling proud
to say, "i love you" right out loud
dreams and schemes and circus crowds
i've looked at life that way

but now old friends are acting strange
they shake their heads, they say i've changed
well something's lost, but something's gained
in living ev'ry day

i've looked at life from both sides now
from win and lose and still somehow
it's life's illusions i recall
i really don't know life at all
i've looked at life from both sides now
from up and down, and still somehow
it's life's illusions i recall
i really don't know life at all