friendship - one very important word. to all my true friends, thank you so much for coming into my life. you've been through thick and thin with me, and i am so incredibly grateful for all our laughter, goofiness, long talks, and time spent together doing absolutely nothing. i love you, and whenever i think about you, i smile (and maybe snicker a little).

to jo - i'm going to miss you so much! you've always been one of the best friends a girl could have--fun and caring without the bs. nine months...but you'll be having fun with the hot accented boys down under. take lots of pictures, send lots of letters (fine, emails will work too), and try to get online every now and then. i didn't want to hug you goodbye last night. be good, but at least a little naughty. =)

to someone else - i've finally made myself understand what friendship isn't. it isn't convenience, it isn't one-sided, it isn't hypocritical. after all the loops of history replaying between us, the principle behind why we have our lows surpasses whatever highs our friendship may have ever had. i do not appreciate being used as comfort and support when you're lonely, only to be discarded when that other thing comes back. hmm...haven't talked to him in a while. i wonder why. the reason is always the same...and i thought i was a quick learner; maybe i still am, except when it comes to you. i like being a good friend, but i do not like being a doormat or the overly forgiving safety net. you may never read this, or you may and be pissed off, but i don't give a shit either way. i need to vent and have something to remind myself in the future if i ever become stupid enough to want to sympathize with you again. i used to feel guilty about harboring bitterness, but after all we've been through, that is all that you have left me. bitter. "christina, you're my best friend here." i now realize why you never heard that returned from me. my subconsious recognized a lie when my mind didn't. i have never had someone i've valued as a friend treat me like this, and i hope never to again. it's a huge fucking waste of my time and loyalty. have a good life. i won't be in it.

sorry to rant. now that that's taken care of and tucked away behind me, it's time to make happier memories.

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"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings." -Anais Nin