it's beginning to look a lot like...autumn. finally a windy day after weeks of unrelenting heat in october. the weather's gone crazy.

amanda might be coming home this week. :)

"this year's love had better last" -David Gray
now i really do love this song, but it's probably bad that this line makes me laugh, huh? haha

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maybe if i close my eyes tightly, it will all go away.

did you ever try to hide from your parents or other kids when you were a child and think that if you stayed absolutely still and didn't look at them, they wouldn't find you? if i can't see them, they must not be able to see me. maybe it was some garbled strategy that combined jurassic park dinosaur-evading tactics and the stickers on big semis that say "if you can't see my mirrors, i can't see you."

in any case, we know things don't quite work that way.

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how simple it is to start falling back...even if you don't know whether anyone is there to catch you.

i can't seem to stop myself from possibly being very stupid again.

* * *
"Fallen" -Sarah McLachlan

heaven bent to take my hand
and lead me through the fire
be the long awaited answer
to a long and painful fight
truth be told, i've tried my best
but somewhere along the way
i got caught up in all there was to offer
and the cost was so much more than i could bear

though i've tried, i've fallen
i have sunk so low
i have messed up
better i should know
so don't come 'round here
and tell me i told you so

we all begin with good intent
love was raw and young
we believed that we could change ourselves
the past could be undone
but we carry on our backs the burden
time always reveals
the lonely light of morning
the wound that would not heal
it's the bitter taste of losing everything
that i have held so dear

i've fallen
i have sunk so low
i have messed up
better i should know
so don't come 'round here
and tell me i told you so

heaven bent to take my hand
nowhere left to turn
i'm lost to those i thought were friends
to everyone i know
oh, they turned their heads embarassed
pretend that they don't see
but it's one missed step
you'll slip before you know it
and there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

though i've tried, i've fallen
i have sunk so low
i have messed up
better i should know
so don't come 'round here
and tell me i told you so...