i hate feeling icky. you know that feeling when your insides alternately twist and squeeze and reach for more? yeah, that one. and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with what i've eaten.

that angsty feeling is what the whole romance market is about though. yes, i have to admit that the occasional romance novel is my guilty pleasure. some may say it's entirely predictable, you don't learn anything, it doesn't improve you, but not everything you do has to improve you. basically every romance novel has a girl and a guy, they fall for each other eventually, seemingly insurmountable obstacles are thrown in their way, but they always happily end up together. like an emotional orgasm.

and i don't mind. you read the book, if it's decent and halfway believable, then you feel for the characters, get that icky feeling when you see they're obviously perfect for each other and shit gets in the way, and when they finally get together that icky feeling multiplies the warm fuzzy feelings. it's the whole sharpening-the-contrasts idea--the lower the book can believably make you feel, the higher you'll seem to be with the happy ending. and the best part is that you know there will be a happy ending with a romance novel. one of the few things you don't need to doubt in life.

i suppose i revise what i said at first then. i hate that icky feeling in real life because it seems hopeless and you never know how long it lasts...and unlike romance novels, you don't know whether it will end well.

so you kill the feeling, and when it's completely gone, you complain again because you feel just a little bit...empty.

* * *
"Cannonball" -Damien Rice

still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
still a little hard to say what's going on

still a little bit of your ghost, your witness
still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each day
that i can't say what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball

still a little bit of your song in my ear
still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to me
so close that i can't see what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to cry
so come on courage!
teach me to be shy
'cause it's not hard to fall
and i don't want to scare her
it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna lose
it's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know