i am drowning in love for "blue" by supergreen jellybean. this stanford group's song is complete radio fodder. the song is amazing. his voice is unbelievably sexy. as i have expressed to equally impressed friends, his member could be a supergreen jellybean, and i would still jump him. this song makes me want to sigh and moan and gush at the same time. hot damn.

bea and i just spent the past...oh, half hour listening to the song over and over again to transcribe lyrics. we're obsessed. shut up. SO GOOD!

probable lyrics to "Blue" by Supergreen Jellybean:

you said this wasn't serious
but it sure felt like it was
i watched blue-red dusky sunset
don't forget what you loved

i'm trying not to tell you
everything that you already know
footsteps left in snowfall
i refuse to follow you back home

'cause you make me feel so blue
shades of gray slowly fade into
i feel so quizzical
it's just so difficult
no matter how i try
i'm left with just a silhouette of you

tired of being in the dark
don't you know you have my heart?
but i got out when i did
'cause that just was not a way to live

you said this wasn't meant for real
but your kiss whispered deceiving me
as i'm forced down on broader city streets
beckons home to me

every time i close my eyes
i feel so black inside
shades of drum (?), my love just fades away
they say i'm green in the game of love
i don't quite know what they mean
but i know i'm well read in the game of pain

'cause you make me feel so blue
shades of gray slowly fade into
i feel so quizzical
it's just so difficult
no matter how i try
i'm left with just a silhouette of you

tired of being in the dark
don't you know you have my heart?
but i got out when i did
'cause it just was not a way to live

let me tell you my love
is gone
can't keep
holding on
i'll walk away
well i'm not sure i want to see you again

'cause you make me feel so blue
shades of gray slowly fade into
i feel so quizzical
it's just so difficult
no matter how i try
i'm left with just a silhouette of you

whenever i breathe through my mouth, i have this automatic reflex to cough. my menstrual cramps incapacitated me the whole day yesterday (why do i always want to type "decapitated" when i mean "incapacitated"?). my body's gone to shit. damn.

i could probably comfort it if i ever get around to allowing it to have a regular sleeping schedule--but no, i'm a stupid slavedriver. yeah, not just a slavedriver...but a stupid one at that. =)

you know what amazes me these days? the astounding variety and sophistication of...asian instant noodles. [yeahyeah amanda, you know me too well.] it's unbelievable. you look at the american instant noodle offerings--cup o' noodles being the primary popular example--and they just cannot compare to things like the beef noodle soup i ate last week at home. the thing came with its own minifork and a beef retort packet that contained REAL MEAT. i'm not talking about dehydrated crap that looks like soggy beef jerky--but actual preserved meat in this thick sauce somehow. and the little instant pho cups i tried not only had collapsable miniforks, but contain dried cilantro and little leafy vegetables that taste so natural when they're rehydrated. freaking amazing. and the chicken noodle soup thing my little brother had? besides the rehydrated vegetables looking like real, big, freshly boiled choy, that soup was quality since he left the leftover soup sitting for at least two hours and the powder didn't come out of suspension like with normal instant noodle soup base! i am in awe of asian ingenuity. this is why i prefer asian guys--better instant noodles! gotta love instant gratification.

beyond the above randomness, i slaved away on a new layout for the stanford kdphi website. go take a peek. no new pictures yet, and it's all pretty simple, but better for navigation, right? change is good though. if you don't think so, shush and let me be deluded.

oh, and you know which song is absolutely catchy? "addicted" by a simple plan:

i heard you're doing okay
but i want you to know
i'm a dick
i'm addicted to you

haha, okay, so the lyrics aren't that deep...but you gotta love a song that plays with "a dick" in "addicted". reminds me of lit's "miserable": "you make me come / you make me complete / you make me completely miserable." ah, good stuff.

i own a mess. maybe it owns me. either way, it exists.

every day, every hour, every minute, it grows larger and darker and wilder, the accumulation attracting even more filth like flies.

i pretend it doesn't exist. i make sure no one else sees it. it's ugly and shameful and embarrassing--so i started to push it under the bed one day. a little nudge here, a little camouflage there--who notices when it becomes a shove? only i can, but not if i deceive myself. so clever like that.

there's this dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach warning me that one day it will all come spilling out--and finally everyone will see the full extent of the mess i've made. even i.

* * *
"Mess" ~Ben Folds Five

there was a time when i had nothing to explain
oh, this mess i have made
but then things got complicated
my innocence has all but faded
oh, this mess i have made

and i don't believe in god
so i can't be saved
all alone as i've learned to be
in this mess i have made

all the untested virtue
the things i said i'd never do
least of all to you
i know he's kind and true
i know that he is good to you
he'll never care for you more than i do

but i don't believe in love
and i can't be changed
all alone as i've learned to be
in this mess
i have made the same mistakes
over and over again

there are rooms in this house that i don't open anymore
dusty books of pictures on the floor
that she will never see
she'll never see that part of me
i want to be for her
what i could never be for you

but i don't believe in god
so i can't be saved
all alone as i've learned to be
in this mess i have made

my right ear seems to be constantly plugged up from being sick. do you know how annoying that is? no longer can i distinguish from whence a particular sound comes for my right ear cannot hear as well as the left. yeah, i just felt like saying "from whence." shut up.

thursday night was anthony's big bday shindig. good fun. that boy can drink =) after sake-bombing at miyake's, i should have gone up to SF with anthony and some of his friends to continue the festivities, but no, i went to hang out with alex rosten like a good friend. and he makes me watch the ring! bastard. hate you. had to drive back to fremont by myself too =P

then went up to reno for a bit this weekend. yay i can gamble. only carded once though [because deb and i were with tim who looks like a 14-year-old =D]...maybe i look older than i thought. boo. no fun. yeah, gambling's not my thing. deb's boy and tam were occasionally successful in raping the roulette table, but i have absolutely no luck with anything. it's like handing my money to the casino, saying, "yes, take my hard-earned cash! here, i will fold it up all pretty-like for you, and will get nothing in return except the pangs of loss and failure, enough second-hand smoke to kill a llama, and a couple complimentary drinks that i should tip you for anyway!" won a nice garden of plush flowers at circus circus though. woohoo! skeeball! i'm still such a kid. who cares about being 21? reno was only good for skeeball, the camel race game, and all-you-can-eat seafood buffet. mmm. murdered those crab legs.

back to school tomorrow. i'm scared. and unprepared. at least i rhyme.

* * *
"Temptation Waits" -Garbage

i'll tell you something
i am a wolf but
i like to wear sheep's clothing
i am a bonfire
i am a vampire
i'm waiting for my moment

you come on like a drug
i just can't get enough
i'm like an addict coming at you for a little more
and there's so much at stake
i can't afford to waste
i never needed anybody like this before

i'll tell you something
i am a demon
some say my biggest weakness
i have my reasons
call it my defense
be careful what you're wishing

you come on like a drug
i just can't get enough
i'm like an addict coming at you for a little more
and there's so much at stake
i can't afford to waste
i never needed anybody like this before

you are a secret
i need possession
i like to keep you guessing

you come on like a drug
i just can't get enough
i'm like an addict coming at you for a little more
and there's so much at stake
i can't afford to waste
i never needed anybody like this before

when i'm not sure what i'm living for
(when i'm not sure who i am)
when i'm not sure what i'm looking for
(when I'm not sure who i am)