dur. work is slow these days. makes me feel pretty useless. give me some mice to inject or something please.

too many reality shows on the air these days. getting pretty ridiculous...last night i came across "meet the marks" where they stick this unaware person in a complicated, highly involved, and embarrassing scenario with all these actors. first one involved this flaming hairstylist guy who was hired to do this woman's hair for her wedding and discovers the groom is cheating on his intended with her friend. he has to console the "other woman" during the ceremony when the bride-to-be stops the ceremony to say she doesn't love her fiance and has instead fallen in love with the hairstylist. later on the guy says he was thinking of marrying the rich girl there and falling in love with her later--except uh you're pretty gay. just a fact, i have nothing against homosexuals. just an odd situation.

i sort of like "dog eat dog" though. the host, brooke something-or-other, is really stiff, obviously reads from cue cards ("so i want you to cry me a river when we get back from these messages!" uhh...guess you can't normally expect much from former models), and is always in some black dominatrix-like outfit, but the challenges are fun to watch. and human pettiness for all to see as usual. hey, last week's had kato kaelin--remember him? plus richard hatch and all those reality show people. interesting stuff. everyone still hated richard.

i need something to do. i need to feel as though i have earned my salary. i'm such a dork.

did you know that if you drink or eat citrus-y stuff before working out, your sweat will be more orange-y? if you just drink water, it should be clear. i did not know that. if that piece of information is completely wrong, i'm sorry, but that's what i heard.

i am so hungry. it's only 11. must be the fruit i had for breakfast. eating in the morning makes your body start metabolizing earlier and faster, so skipping breakfast doesn't do much good if you're dieting. hardcore dieting is not too smart. your body gets back at you with a vengeance afterward and you'll just put it all back on...and more. gotta do that exercising thing to keep the weight off. yeah, work. sucks. i just want to get in shape--i'm such a weakling.

i can't wait to go to the new asian museum that should be opening in san francisco in january (in the old main library building). read an article about it in the newspaper--sounds pretty awesome.

sorry for this stream-of-consciousness babble. i'm even more sorry if you've read all of it and are down here. my life isn't very interesting these days--work and eat and sleep and chat and tv. that's about it. oh wait, i went to a little party at my supervisor's house the other night after DNAX's last softball game. homemade sushi and everything--mmm. there were these weird little puffballs with octopi inside, but they put fish flakes as topping, which were good except the heat makes them shrivel and it looks like the little puffball is alive and wiggling. sort of freaky. everyone there was really old though. either that or they were couples--didn't have many people to talk to. so i just ate a lot in a discreet way (in order to not look like a pig). you know, older people drink a lot. evidently it still ain't a party without alcohol.

okay i'm going to stop. gonna go find more papers on rheumatoid arthritis to read. whee.

disconcerting...to realize something that would have cut you to the core before no longer has any influence, falling into a gaping emotional void. or maybe it hit a wall. i build pretty strong defenses these days.

in terms of romantic possibilities with guys, i've become so cynical. it's sort of sad. i seem to be skimming along shallowly, in like with various people, removing myself if it ever feels like the situation's getting too deep. have a little fun, move on before anyone can get hurt. makes me wonder if i'm capable of feeling much in those terms anymore. that's a scary thought--i've always imagined that i'd fall in love, whatever that is. i'm not even sure if i've stepped in it at all (well, the romantic kind at least). relationships in retrospect seems as insubstantial and filmy as dreams--did i ever feel strongly? or am i just that good at convincing myself that it was nothing in order to move on? i gotta be all logical and independent and shit. after the fact. hah.

~
completely different subject:
one of my pet peeves is very noticeable improper grammar in songs. i'm "all about the lyrics" (as oliver once said), so when the chorus is grammatically incorrect, it just grates. once i notice it's bad, i can't enjoy the song anymore! i feel like yelling at the radio, "it's not 'i wish i was,' it's 'i wish i were'!" i'm such a dork. and a geek. sorry. =)