i've been neglecting my blog. just feeling neglectful and perhaps a bit neglected on the whole these days. this should probably worry me more than it does.

what is the point of it all? the fog ahead of me gets thicker as the days pass and i have no inkling of where i'm headed. every now and then i feel pangs of anxiety, but much of the time i only want to to sit down on the curb for a long while.
all the things i had to do before feel as though they're only what i should do. i don't know what i want anymore. maybe i just shouldn't want.

i don't even know what i'm talking about anymore. sorry.
the hole's deeper than i allow myself to believe.

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on a more random note, i had in n out 4 times last week and the opportunity to eat it twice more. how disgusting is that? don't get me wrong, i love my in n out just every good stanford kdphi does (besides the grace anomaly), but i have my limits. mmm neopolitan milkshake. and i still have yet to try the animal style cheese fries.

my half-hearted attempt to tan has not been very successful either. may give up soon and call it a compromise with skin cancer prevention. besides, pale skin used to be the standard of beauty--all you browned folk are merely of lower class than me. next step is to put on at least 20 pounds and then i'll be a total hottie...or at least i would be if i lived about a century earlier. uh...yeah.

note to those out for summer vacation already: you suck. okay, i'm mostly kidding. come visit me, we'll eat, and i'll call it even. my car is unreliable and my stomach cries out for non-dining hall food. mike, i'm still holding your hoodie hostage.

* * *
"Gravity" -Vienna Teng

hey love
is that the name you're meant to have
for me to call?
look love
they've given up believing
they've turned aside our stories of the gentle fall

but don't you believe them
don't you drink their poison too
these are the scars that words have carved
on me

hey love
that's the name we've long held back
from the core of truth

so don't turn away now
i am turning in revolution
these are the scars that silence carved
on me

this is the same place
no, not the same place
this is the same place, love
no, not the same place we've been before

hey love
i am a constant satellite
of your blazing sun
my love
i obey your law of gravity
this is the fate you've carved on me