DEBRA KING
born march 9, 1982


my relationship with debra king has been fraught with sexual tension, as you can see from this horribly unflattering photo. sadly, my many advances have been brutally rebuffed. debra is too good for me, but at least she's not always ashamed to be my friend! yay! which is more than what i can say about being my friend in junior high. i can no longer remember our first meeting, but i'm pretty sure it went something like this:

-HOPKINS JUNIOR HIGH-

old school CHERRY and cool new girl DEBRA enter chatting.

CHERRY
oh hey, christina! this is debra, she's in my desktop publishing class and just moved into our court.

CHRISTINA stands there looking dumb in a bad perm, thick bangs, braces, and pink glasses.

DEBRA [in an aside to CHERRY]
i'm sure she's uh...nice, but god, cherry, she looks like a loser.

CHERRY [under her breath]
just deal with it - i live across the street from her. harmless geek, really.

CHRISTINA stands around awkwardly. Knows DEBRA is too cool for her and wishes she were reading her sci-fi/fantasy/incredibly nerdy novels in the library instead.

CHRISTINA
um...hi! i gotta uh...go over there and talk to um...my only two other friends. bye!

CHRISTINA exits stage left, shuffling off and tripping over shoelaces.

ah, good times, good times. so years have gone by, i've grown taller, debra and cherry haven't [hahaha], but throughout it all, debra somehow became one of my closest friends. although we may not see each other as often as we'd like, it's good to know that you care enough to listen to me if i ever need to talk and i hope you know that i'm always here for you too. you're one of the strongest and most level-headed people i know, but at the same time, you're amazingly caring and fun as hell ;) i wish you the best 22nd year (well technically 23rd) and promise to see you soon! i love you :)

personal dynamics are too complicated, strewn with misunderstandings and glutted with infinite possibilities. i don't know what you're thinking, but it looks like something unpleasant. don't look at me like that. and you look like you don't want to see me. do you think you shouldn't stare or do you just not want me here? and you are too intent upon my face, with too many thoughts behind your eyes. do i have food in my teeth? what is it you don't want to tell me? i don't know anything unless you open your mouth. even if you do, how do i know what you really mean?

people like to dream that if there were a true connection between people, words wouldn't be necessary, it's more than words, the time spent together is even better when you say nothing at all. [yes, i just jacked multiple sappy song titles in the previous sentence.] in that respect, i think people expect too much. i don't know about you, but i'm not psychic. when things seem to just "fall into place" with a minimal amount of verbiage, that would be called a coincidence of both parties liking each other equally. and eventually, you'll have to talk.

don't get me wrong, i fully appreciate silences. i love silences. on average, i'm probably more happy in a silence than the other person who's most likely squirming on the inside and wondering why it's so quiet. however, conversation is so important - you can survive only so long on physical attraction and imagined metaphysical connections. although i so love imagining metaphysical connections :)

i'm not really sure why i'm rambling about this, but i don't think straight when cramping up in bed and listening to dashboard while staring at the wall. however, i do know that judy is a wonderful pledge sis and PHE for giving me aleve. and i do know that i will never ask a stupid question twice. so stop worrying.

and you thought i forgot, huh? nope. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEBRA! a sappy tribute to the birthday girl will be forthcoming. (i want to devote a whole entry to you, honeybuns ;) i love you!

* * *
"Both Sides Now" -Joni Mitchell

rosen flows of angel hair
and ice cream castles in the air
and feather canyons ev'rywhere
i've looked at clouds that way

but now they only block the sun
they rain and snow on ev'ryone
so many things i would have done
but clouds got in my way

i've looked at clouds from both sides now
from up and down, and still somehow
it's cloud illusions i recall
i really don't know clouds at all

moons and junes and ferris wheels
the dizzy-dancing way you feel
as ev'ry fairy tale comes real
i've looked at love that way

but now it's just another show
you leave 'em laughing when you go
and if you care, don't let them know
don't give yourself away

i've looked at love from both sides now
from give and take, and still somehow
it's love's illusions i recall
i really don't know love at all

tears and fears and feeling proud
to say, "i love you" right out loud
dreams and schemes and circus crowds
i've looked at life that way

but now old friends are acting strange
they shake their heads, they say i've changed
well something's lost, but something's gained
in living ev'ry day

i've looked at life from both sides now
from win and lose and still somehow
it's life's illusions i recall
i really don't know life at all
i've looked at life from both sides now
from up and down, and still somehow
it's life's illusions i recall
i really don't know life at all

tonight i was relating to digi that it's almost an impossibility to get students to club parties off-campus -

chrispy ha (1:07:56 AM): stanford students are too lazy to go to off-campus parties
chrispy ha (1:08:07 AM): we've tried to sell tickets to club parties before
chrispy ha (1:08:10 AM): even offered rides
chrispy ha (1:08:45 AM): it's like offering sex to a eunuch

i'm sort of attached to my simile...except i think i just figuratively emasculated the entire stanford population. whoops :)

this weekend's been interesting. nice dinner on friday, attempted to do the campus party scene with paloma, meetings up the butt on saturday, sisterhood with berkeley kdphi sisters, and exchange with them and berkeley axio later that night. that was one of the most fun sisterhoods i've ever been to :) still undefeated in a certain challenge, plus we learned of a new paloma-talent. impressive! yay fall 2k1 :D later paloma, limin, and i dropped by club uj - impressed by strolls. then i went off to visit people in west campus, and resolved some issues. all for the best. today bea bailed on the haircut with me...am getting a bit unkempt. boo. studied with chiung outside. absolutely beautiful day.

have you ever noticed that smells are more intense when your nose is wet? sadly, that mostly happens after washing my face in the dorm bathroom. how unpleasant. but it's so very nice when our bathroom smells like fabric softener from the laundry room downstairs - i always smile. it's the little things :)

[my winamp played my "ghost of a good thing" m4a only once before refusing to play it ever again. anyone have the mp3 or can you tell me how i'm being stupid?]

* * *
"Ghost of a Good Thing" -Dashboard Confessional

i guess it's luck, but it's the same
hard luck, you've been trying to tame
maybe it's love, but it's like you said
"love is like a role that we play"

but i believe in you so much
i could die for the words that you say
but i believe in you so much
i could die from the words that you say

but you're chasin' the ghost of a good thing
haunting yourself as the real thing
it's getting away from you again
while you're chasin' ghosts

i guess it's luck, but it's the same
hard luck, you've been trying to tame
maybe it's love, but it's like you said,
"love is like a role that we play"

but i believe in you so much
i could die for the words that you say
but i believe in you so much
i could die from the words that you say

but you're chasin' the ghost of a good thing
haunting yourself as the real thing
it's getting away from you again
while you're chasin' ghosts

just bend the pieces 'til they fit
like they were made for it
but they weren't meant for this
no, they weren't meant for this

just bend the pieces 'til they fit
like they were made for it
but they weren't meant for this

chasin' the ghost of a good thing
haunting yourself as the real thing
it's getting away, away, away, away from you again

chasin' the ghost of a good thing
haunting yourself as the real thing
it's getting away from you again
while you're chasin' ghosts