Okay, I just can't help myself.

The following news story is just so intriguing, so multi-layered...

Feds Pounce on Student Dressed as a Ninja

ATHENS, Ga. - Running through the University of Georgia campus as a ninja can elicit a prompt response from authorities [1], a UGA sophomore learned.

Federal Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearm agents, on campus for a community training project, detained Jeremiah Ransom of Macon Tuesday as a "suspicious individual" when they spotted a masked figure darting near the Georgia Center [2].

Ransom told The Red & Black student newspaper that he had left a Wesley Foundation pirate vs. ninja event [3] when he was snared by agents with guns drawn.

"It was surreal," Ransom said. "I was jogging from Wesley to Snelling (cafeteria) when I heard someone yell 'freeze.'" At first, he thought a friend was playing a joke.

University Police Chief Jimmy Williamson said Ransom was released as soon as he was found to have violated no laws.

Vanessa McLemore, the ATF special agent in charge, said agents thought something was amiss when they "noticed someone wearing a bandanna across the face and acting in a somewhat suspicious manner, peeping around the corner" then breaking into a run.

Williamson said Ransom was wearing black sweat pants and an athletic T-shirt with one red bandanna covering the bottom half of his face and another covering the top of his head.

This raises SO MANY questions:

[1] Why would a federal officer believe a serious criminal would dress like a ninja?

[2] Why is a supposedly half-educated college student ACTING LIKE A NINJA?

[3] Ohhhhh, it was a PIRATE VS NINJA EVENT. Um...what exactly happens at a pirate vs ninja event?

[4] Why wasn't Stanford cool enough to have a pirate vs. ninja event?

Some questions may never be answered. Except for #2.

This has been a glimpse into the deep thoughts that occupy my mind all day, every day.

What makes sick-as-a-dog-Chrispy happy

Been sick the past few days. I was a little worried at first because I was feeling like major doggypoop - muscle aches, slight fever, headache, weakness, etc. - without any normal cold symptoms. But I've started phlegm-ing recently, which I'm taking as a good sign. Yay for TMI!

One thing that makes me insanely happy is reading about restaurants with delicious food :D Sadly, I'm not exaggerating even a little bit; I just stumbled upon The Epicurious Essential Restaurant Guide for San Francisco and sat in my cubicle beaming at my computer with the biggest idiotic smile on my face. I've only been to 2 of those restaurants (Zuni and Slanted Door), so I've got a lot of eating to do! Am currently taking applications for eating buddies ;)

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And Boy Sets Self on Fire in Alleged Gas Theft

GILLETTE, Wyo. - A teenage boy accidentally set himself on fire early Wednesday morning after allegedly trying to siphon gas from a firefighter's car.

Police first learned of the injury after a 17-year-old boy and a 16-year-old boy claimed that someone had thrown gasoline on the 17-year-old at the Common Cents service station and lit him on fire, said Lt. Rod Hauge.

The boy was taken to the hospital with second- and third-degree burns on his legs. Police were called to the hospital to investigate the incident and later learned that the 17-year-old spilled gas on his pants while siphoning gas. He then used a lighter to try to determine how wet his pants were and set himself of fire, Hague said.

Both boys have been ticketed with larceny, Hauge said.

Oh. Em. Gee. How can a kid THAT stupid have stayed alive for 17 years? "I wonder how wet my pants are since I just spilled stolen, HIGHLY FLAMMABLE GASOLINE on them? Let me check with THE EXPOSED FLAME OF MY LIGHTER."

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And now...back to work.