i'm not sure if i can handle anything anymore. i don't know whether it's because i haven't been trying or because i've reached my limit. i just want to hide--from everything, from everyone, from myself, from disappointment, from failure.

it's sort of interesting that times like these are when i submerge myself in listening to music. the songs that resonate seem to be amplified even more--a few minutesat a time to release the anxiety.

don't worry, i'll feel normal again soon enough. it just requires simultaneously dealing with my failings as time incessantly plows ahead.

for now, someone hide me.

a demon cannot be hurt

tea and fake ice cream with the girls tonight--mmm. i lubba you all. =) hm...but watch out for that splenda sucralose though--not many studies done on it yet and most things are too good to be true.

by the way, my world IS getting too small! freaky, cher, just freaky!

* * *
"With or Without You" ~U2

see the stone set in your eyes
see the thorn twist in your side
i wait for you

sleight of hand and twist of fate
on a bed of nails she makes me wait
and i wait without you

with or without you
with or without you

through the storm we reach the shore
you give it all but i want more
and i'm waiting for you

with or without you
with or without you
i can't live
with or without you

and you give yourself away
and you give yourself away
and you give
and you give
and you give yourself away

my hands are tied
my body bruised, she's got me with
nothing to win and
nothing left to lose...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHI!
i'm right this time, right?? i love my chi. she is just so sweet and funny and CHI. can't wait to see you soon, m'dear. =) hope you had a veryvery happy day.

~
so i've screwed with my body so much, it doesn't know what the hell is going on anymore. i'm on a vicious nocturnal cycle. *sigh* i have several options:

1) never sleep again (i'm afraid this will probably require drugs)

2) take a week or two off to let my body fix itself

3) become evie and let my body fix itself without wasting time

i go for #3!

had a midterm last night. i'd rather not talk about it. might have had something to do with the non-studying michelle and i were doing the night before. at least meeting cheered me up last night =)

so bea's gone completely insane. craaaazy...omg. there she goes, laughing hysterically again and making odd noises.

bea and dave and i completely wasted our night taking tests on thespark.com. since i am 2% sluttier than bea and she is 1% bitchier than me, i am now justified in calling her a bitch, but she can then call me a slut. =( ah well, can't have everything.

i'm feeling this odd mixture of wanting something but being struck with apathy and lethargy at the same time. i need to grow up and focus and do.

and yes, deb, you are too cute ;-) i need to talk to you sometime soon =P

* * *
"anyday" ~ani difranco

i will lean into you
and you can be the wind
i will open my mouth
and you can come rushing in
you can rush in so hard
and make it so i can't breathe
i breathe too much anyway
i can do that anyday

i just wish i knew who you were
i wish you'd make yourself known
probably you don't realize i'm her
the woman you want to call home
i'll keep my ear to the wall
i'll keep my eye on the door
'cause i've heard all my own jokes
and they're just not funny anymore
i laugh too much anyway
i can do that anyday

have you ever been bent or pulled
have you ever been played like strings
if i could see you i could strum you
i could break you
make you sing
but i guess you can't really see the wind
it just comes in and fills the space
and everytime something moves
you think that you have seen its face
and i've always got my guitar to play
but i can do that anyday