a couple unexpected old photos--curious how you can live your life fine until you remember it could be so much more, and you realize there will always be a void that you ignore just to go on. but during those moments you allow yourself to remember, everything pales in comparison. sometimes you wonder if anything is important.

* * *
there's no one in town i know
you gave us some place to go
i never said thank you for that
i thought i might get one more chance
what would you think of me now
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
i never said thank you for that
now i'll never have a chance

may angels lead you in
hear you me my friends
on sleepless roads the sleepless go
may angels lead you in

i had forgotten how many people are at stanford until today at the activities fair. seems like i met everyone and their dog again. =) it's nice to crawl out of my upperclassman funk to be sociable every now and then i suppose.

went to ghirardelli square last night with the sibs--found my second lil sib! yay! makes christina happy. those freshmen are so cool and enthusiastic and nice. they remind me of the things i loved about stanford. =) i think ten of us put a nice dent in the earthquake. i really shouldn't have left for the bathroom with alex right when it came though--when we came back, the thing was a mess. thanks to gilbert for driving!

i'm still amused by "the emperor's new groove" =)

sometimes one little story provokes a few too many memories, a little too much wistfulness. i'm sorry i hoped. it'd be nice, just once, to not fail for a while longer.

* * *
we once walked out on the beach and once i almost touched your hand
oh, how i dreamed to finally say such things
then only to pretend

don't you know i'm thinking?
driving 4:05 past midnight
you know i miss you
ninth and ash on a tuesday night
i would write to you from museum mile
toast to you:
your whisper
your smile
up the stairs at the weatherford
a ghost each place i hide

i left you waiting
at the least could we be friends?
should have never started
ain't that the way it always ends?
on my life i'll try today
there's so much i've felt i should say but
even if your heart would listen i doubt i could explain

if you don't know, why'd you say so?
would you mean this please if it happens?
if you don’t know, why would you say so?
won’t you get your story straight
if you don’t know, honey, why'd you just say so?
'cause i need this now more than I ever did
if you don’t, well honey, then you don’t

i basically moved everything back into the dorm by myself this year, right? one night, my mom was able to help a little bit. everytime we've somehow stumbled upon the topic of boys before, she tells me i should "meet a lot of boys" but "don't get too serious," etc.--really stressing that don't-commit thing. however, as we're climbing up the stairs lugging all my crap, she suddenly tells me, "you should get a boyfriend."

yeah, my mom's just lazy and wants someone to do our bitchwork. hahaha.

hey, my schedule's sucking this quarter. woohoo! 8 am classes three days a week, baby. two lab classes. work. clubs. kdphi. going home to watch little brandino. but i really want to intern at the asian liver center! =(

i think a part of me is masochistic.

~
bea and i found out our dorm number: 7-0727. we bought a new answering machine too--trying to record the greeting was interesting =P so difficult since we kept cracking up. *sigh* ah well, after a while, we just said screw it and used the last one. it's comprehendible enough!

why helloooo...

i'm sitting here in the computer cluster in my new dorm, burbank. i'm on aim express but am afraid to IM anyone since i can't see away messages. =) if only the PCs were free...but no, one girl's using one to play tetris and the other guy's looking at something that involves playboy bunnies. hm.

so now i'm just twiddling my thumbs (okay, maybe not exactly since i'm typing), waiting for ms. bea kim to return. i didn't go party tonight since i promised her we'd loft the beds and unpack except she's not here! dissed =( kidding though, can't ever hate on bea. =)

saw my girls tonight for dinner at good ol' in n out. yum! i love hanging out with them hot kdphi girls. ;-) martina is hardcore! that slideshow kicked immeasurable amounts of ass.

it's been a busy couple of days. goodness. three hours of sleep the past two nights, baby. hell yeah. and classes haven't even started yet! moving in by yourself really sucks major monkeyballs--and our room looks like a disaster area created by an insane orangutan. plus my struggle with the bike rack today left me with scars and almost a heartattack--i had these horrible images of the bike rack coming loose and my bicycle flying into the windshield of the car behind me, causing a seven-car pile-up.

sudden realization: i suck at multitasking. alas, eating michelina's pasta while answering the phone while driving while and keeping an eye on my bike proved to be a little too much for me.

good news: i met one of my little sibs, joelle! seems very cool, and y'all know i'm gonna be a bombass big sib. ;-) i like her name. so much more interesting than...well, my own. haha. ooh, also in good news, i did not trip, fall, and humiliate myself going up to the stage tonight. woohoo!

i'm tired. bea had better find me before i fall asleep here in the cluster and drool on the public keyboards. whoo head starting to spin from sleep deprivation. time to leave.