i have never seen olympics as dorky as the ones they have at work. hahaha...let's see, the first event was pipetting into a 96-well plate, second was recycling relay, third was "liquid transfer" with the passing of labcoats, and today was sand sculpture in the volleyball court and a fake mouse dissection race. yeeeah. so the sand sculpture thing doesn't sound too bad, right? except one group sculpted an antibody and ours sculpted a mouse, complete with ear punch, bleeding tail, syringe, and baby mice. ahahaha...wow.

went up to SF today on trusty caltrain and had dinner at glas kat with jacq, jo, steven, jason, alex, and ken. then we sat around in a minivan and later wandered around metreon. fun times. haha. later a bunch came over to my house and they watched a dolphin give birth while i slept. finally woke up when everyone was staring at me since they were going home. whoops. hey, i had a long day, okay?!

i smell like mice. a lot of them. *sigh* that's what happens if you spend more than two hours in the mouse house i guess. i am officially tired of scoring arthritic mice.

my cousin thought a certain assistant PI scientist didn't like me much for not choosing to work for him, but the guy actually came into my lab to tell me that i did a great job presenting yesterday--sweet! that felt really nice. i don't really like people hating me.

i had a great workout yesterday. why can't i remember how good i feel after a workout when i'm convincing myself to get off my lazy ass before a workout?

weekend's almost here. whew! and a three-day one at that! too bad my mom and little brother are ditching me all three days to go camping. and knowing amanda, she won't have time to hang out with her big sister either =( no love for chrispy. alas. i'm going to have to borrow/buy some trashy novels to read to make myself feel better if i'm all alone at home. they're my equivalent to chocolate--they don't do your body or mind any good, but feel oh-so-delicious going down. and hey, they improve your mood.

i almost went to a project meeting and presented with my fly open. ahaha. luckily i noticed it was gaping open when i was sitting in front of this computer...looking at my crotch. no, i do not stare at my crotch often. i just noticed it. that is all. shut up.

oh gross, that reminds me of when my mom told me a dirty joke. do you know how traumatic that is? when she was done, brandon was standing there asking, "what does that mean?" while my mom was cracking up. i felt as if my world has been shaken and flipped upside-down while trying to tell my little ten-year-old brother repeatedly, "no, that wasn't funny. it doesn't matter. go away," and my mom was STILL laughing. >_< this is the same mom who used to cover my eyes if there was kissing on tv.


* * *
"I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation."
~W. Somerset Maugham

it is hot right now. i wish i were all alone so i could just strip and be cooler. =)

angst is fun when it's not your own. it's so fun to feel that little tweak in your chest when you read or watch something that makes you sympathize and yearn a little. the best part is that it's not your own angst so that small anxiety, the tiny pang of pain leaves once you've placed the book down or turned off the television. a risk-free reminder that you're still alive. when you feel it for yourself, though, the little pain becomes an ache and you don't quite know if you want it anymore. how did it get there? why do we put ourselves through this? sometimes i think it would be nice to be able to hide and stop feeling--except vicariously. it's so much safer to read a book or watch a movie or listen to a friend.

haha...and i just advised my friend to stop hiding and brave a little risk last night. i don't think i'll ever win an argument with myself. i take so much convincing. really, it's very tiring and scary for me to make a decision. the whole trying-to-be-open-minded thing usually results in a whole lot of doubt. ah well.

i have a presentation at work tomorrow. i'd better know what i'm going to be talking about.

* * *
"Walk on" ~U2

and love is not the easy thing
the only baggage you can bring...
and love is not the easy thing...
the only baggage you can bring
is all that you can't leave behind

and if the darkness is to keep us apart
and if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
and if your glass heart should crack
and for a second you turn back
oh no, be strong

walk on, walk on
what you got they can't steal it
no they can't even feel it
walk on, walk on...
stay safe tonight

you're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
a place that has to be believed to be seen
you could have flown away
a singing bird in an open cage
who will only fly, only fly for freedom

walk on, walk on
what you've got they can't deny it
can't sell it, can't buy it
walk on, walk on
stay safe tonight

and i know it aches
and your heart it breaks
and you can only take so much
walk on, walk on

Home... hard to know what it is if you've never had one
Home... i can't say where it is but i know i'm going home
that's where the hurt is

i know it aches
how your heart it breaks
and you can only take so much
walk on, walk on

leave it behind
you've got to leave it behind
all that you fashion
all that you make
all that you build
all that you break
all that you measure
all that you steal
all this you can leave behind
all that you reason
all that you sense
all that you speak
all you dress up
all that you scheme...

i love it when the air is clear. *whew*

too bad other tiny resentments are slowly building up. hey, i'm still alive here, you know. i wish some people would care.

goddamn, am i whining and pitying myself? gross. maybe the moodiness isn't completely over.

why do i read things that i know will make me unhappy?

well, weekend's been busy. went up to sf with good ol' caltrain on friday night. don't remember about half the night. seems i was moody and ah...perhaps it's better i don't remember that half of the night. i had to have a piggyback ride??

back to school retreat was saturday. good stuff. =) those kdphi girls are so awesome ;-) nation-wide, baby! the san jo girls did such a great job hosting. they rock. went clubbing again afterward at the san jo kdphi party. lots of asians. amanda and co. were there. fat black guy with a towel kept trying to dance with me. he sort of smelled. and i pretty much ditched the tall dorky dude when ken and his boys came. whoops my bad.

and i've definitely partied enough this weekend to last me a year. or at least the rest of summer. ;-)