do you ever just feel like a sigh?

turtleneck sweaters were created for windy, rainy days like this.

sometimes i like dropping everything
to listen to the rain

-
thanks to chris for helping me re-discover this poem. (though he will probably never read this, i like to give credit where it's due.) so beautiful and oddly appropriate.

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.
-E.E. Cummings

so many things in this world are overrated. a good conversation is not. it's even better if it comes from a source you never expected, or from someplace that always hinted at depths you could never quite plumb. there is such a thrill when a wistful hope fulfills its potential, even for just one moment.

cannot yet judge whether the surprise is pleasant or not in the long run...but perhaps you only need to appreciate the glimmering instance for its light. we'll save the darkness and bitterness bleeding back for later.

so many events-people-thoughts can retroactively taint memories. if we thought of all the things that could go wrong in the future and alter good memories into ironically sad ones, it would be so difficult to be happy. therefore, i see nothing wrong with selective ignorance. if you look far enough ahead, you'll always run into an obstacle; the only thing you can trust is that even farther down the line, there will be a way of overcoming it. it seems the only way to be happy is to find that balance between living in the moment and thinking of the future, and naively believing everything will be all right in the end. naivete has its place in the world.

has a small part of you ever wished to be that "unnamed girl" of whom another spoke? it's a dangerous wish...yet such an endearing idea :)

* * *
"The Blower's Daughter" -Damien Rice

and so it is
just like you said it would be
life goes easy on me
most of the time
and so it is
the shorter story
no love, no glory
no hero in her sky

i can't take my eyes off of you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off of you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes...

and so it is
just like you said it should be
we'll both forget the breeze
most of the time
and so it is
the colder water
the blower's daughter
the pupil in denial

i can't take my eyes off of you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off of you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes...

did i say that i loathe you?
did i say that i want to
leave it all behind?

i can't take my mind off of you
i can't take my mind off you
i can't take my mind off of you
i can't take my mind off you
i can't take my mind off you
i can't take my mind...
my mind...my mind...
'til i find somebody new

whoa. women's week is over. simply amazing.

how can so much happen in one week? i'm tired, but it's a good tired :) i may be a little kdphi-ed out, but it's a good kdphi-ed out also :D i will not even attempt to cover it all.

highlights: yuri kochiyama - that is one FIESTY woman. controversy. bea and eric. whale rider. singing with samsara. beyond the margins concert - thank you to everyone who performed and everyone who came; you have no idea how truly grateful i am. odessa chen. magnetic north. seeing theresa again! party. new eboard. grace [our i-banking sugar mama alumna] visiting! nola's - amelia and quarters, amy and her laugh, paloma and her dancing, cathy and 21-ness! post-nola's - murray, naranja, 10 fingers, invading willow & iesan's room, ramen, almost falling off iesan's bed, cathy's snoring [or so i hear]. okada fight club - cathy and paloma are crazy...in a good way. amanda - congratulations! kdphi. one love. :)

from okcupid!:

The Window Shopper
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDf)
Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.

You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come.

Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.

Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.

BEWARE: The Hornivore
CONSIDER: The Gentleman, The Loverboy

intriguing. sort of reminiscent of the spark. i'm amused there's a "hornivore." hah!

-
i think i'm just confused. how does anyone ever know anything?

on the other hand, something else is slowly solving itself. so very reminiscent. probably not in a good way this time. it will have to be good enough.

* * *
"Snow Angels" -Odessa Chen

picking up all frequencies at once
ones you only hear perfectly still...

i recall the snowfalling
soft as geese white as the throat of that flower...

let me lie in your arms, let me lie in your snow angels

looking for signs in the sky
following ghosts following visions

i hear your breath
sliding like a wing past my ear
and see your footsteps scar the surface of the snow

let me lie in your arms, let me lie in your snow angels
no longer hoping, no longer waiting
no longer hurting
no longer waiting, no longer losing
no longer searching
no longer lost