sometimes i look at what consumes certain people's lives
and can't help but think that it's all so fucking petty.
there are people in this world going through so much more horror and pain and life

well, it's not like i don't fall into that self-absorbed pit either.

and then i realize all this petty everyday shit...
people have to worry about it.
if we all only looked at the big picture, nothing would ever, ever be accomplished
and no one could ever pay attention to the details

because the big picture is dark and depressing and utterly defeating in its seeming hopelessness
hunger, pestilence, hate, xenophobia, fear, death, ignorance, circumstance, misunderstanding, self-destruction

negatives are so much easier to distinguish than positives.

i wonder if i have too much perspective these days or whether i allowed my picture to get too big. much too often, i wonder, "what's the point?"

[disclaimer: don't worry, i'm not depressed. just started writing about something i was thinking about and it got darker than i intended. or maybe it's those evanescence songs i've downloaded...not the most uplifting songs but i like them. peek the lyrics.]

* * *
"Away from me" -Evanescence

i hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll
i hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds
but oh god, i feel i've been lied to
lost all faith in the things i have achieved
and i

i've woken now to find myself
in the shadows of all i have created
i'm longing to be lost in you
(away from this place i have made)
won't you take me away from me?

crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins
i look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
i can't go on like this
i loathe all i've become

i've woken now to find myself
in the shadows of all i have created
i'm longing to be lost in you
(away from this place i have made)
won't you take me away from me?

lost in a dying world i reach for something more
i have grown so weary of this lie i live

i've woken now to find myself
in the shadows of all i have created
i'm longing to be lost in you
(away from this place i have made)
won't you take me away from me?

call me ms. president.

wow. i would say i never thought this day would come, but to be honest, i didn't know this day would exist. well tag, i'm it - and i'll do my best.
fighting words: during my term, i will strive to make sure we can always be proud of our letters.
congrats to the new eboard, and we can do it. =)

~
i have work to do. my strategy is to get all my procrastination out now so i can focus after. hey, it sounds logical, right?

quarters are too short. i used to like the variety--but screw variety. i wish i had more time--for everything. which superpower would i want? i've said it before, i'll say it again. i want to be able to stop time. evie!

i'm pretty sure i have an R.E.M. sleep debt. explains why i feel so crappy sometimes. can't even remember the last time i slept eight hours straight. boo.

sorry about the disjointedness. no energy to make this all cohesive. oh, i like corrinne may...such a beautiful voice (plus it's supporting asians in music!) sappiness a la sarah mclachlan though. someone want to get me her cd for my birthday? if not, i'll get around to it sometime since it's almost IMPOSIBBLE to find her mp3s.

* * *
"Fly Away" ~Corrinne May

"when will you be home?" she asked
as we watched the planes take off
we both know we have no clear answer
to where my dreams may lead

she's watched me as i crawled and stumbled
as a child, she was my world
and now to let me go
i know she bleeds
and yet she says to me,

"you can fly so high
keep your gaze upon the sky
i'll be praying every step along the way
even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
i love you too much to make you stay
baby, fly away"

autumn leaves fell into springtime
and silver-painted hair
daddy called one evening saying,
"we need you, please come back"
and i saw her laying on her bed
fragile as a child
pale just like an angel taking flight
i held her as i cried,

"you can fly so high
keep your gaze upon the sky
i'll be praying every step along the way
even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
i love you too much to make you stay
baby, fly away..."