Friday, July 18, 2003

i was driving the other day and looked at my wrists...
they're so...tiny. like toothpicky. i have weak wrists! i should worry about people snapping them now. i don't think i like that much.

tonight i became cognizant of my current cynical mindset [purple prose alert!]. incredibly cynical. i'm sure this stage will pass in a bit, but going to barnes & noble tonight in this state led to the purchase of a random little book called pessimisms by eric marcus. it's full of cute little quotes, such as george bernard shaw's "what is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?" unfortunately true. i read a couple to howard and he asked me to read some less depressing quotations. uh, howard? this book is called pessimisms. thanks for paying attention.

also found a quote by ashleigh brilliant: "one thing about pain: it proves you're alive." i'm sure i've blabbered on about that idea enough in this blog, but it's put quite succinctly there. pain makes the relief that much better. can't have the mountains without the valleys, the yin without the yang, yaddayaddayadda, slap me now.

in any case, i found ashleigh brilliant to be pretty intriguing. as a "uc berkeley street philosopher" she earns her living writing pot-shots [maxims under 17 words in length] and copyrighting them. how cool would it be to professionally write insults and spread pessimism? ah, i can only aspire to so much.

and in celebration of my slightly cynical state, there's always dorothy parker. i so enjoy them. =)

"Incurable" -Dorothy Parker

And if my heart be scarred and burned,
The safer, I, for all I learned;
The calmer, I, to see it true
That ways of love are never new-
The love that sets you daft and dazed
Is every love that ever blazed;
The happier, I, to fathom this:
A kiss is every other kiss.
The reckless vow, the lovely name,
When Helen walked, were spoke the same;
The weighted breast, the grinding woe,
When Phaon fled, were ever so.
Oh, it is sure as it is sad
That any lad is every lad,
And what's a girl, to dare implore
Her dear be hers forevermore?
Though he be tried and he be bold,
And swearing death should he be cold,
He'll run the path the others went....
But you, my sweet, are different.


"Healed" -Dorothy Parker

Oh, when I flung my heart away,
The year was at its fall.
I saw my dear, the other day,
Beside a flowering wall;
And this was all I had to say:
"I thought that he was tall!"


"Little Words" -Dorothy Parker

When you are gone, there is nor bloom nor leaf,
Nor singing sea at night, nor silver birds;
And I can only stare, and shape my grief
In little words.

I cannot conjure loveliness, to drown
The bitter woe that racks my cords apart.
The weary pen that sets my sorrow down
Feeds at my heart.

There is no mercy in the shifting year,
No beauty wraps me tenderly about.
I turn to little words- so you, my dear,
Can spell them out.

Monday, July 14, 2003

GASP! there are three other christinas on friendster with the same last name as me! i feel so...generic.

saw michelle last night. i've missed my bf. i forgot her suit =( but she gave me a new bikini! sweet! must find opportunity to wear it sometime i guess. it's so cute! i'm such a girl!

anyway, we went to alex's place for a little get-together thing. highlight was the tingler after we reformed it [alex sat on it before]. oh good lord. soooo good. sure, you look idiotic with this malformed egg whisk on your head, but the bliss! headgasm!

i'm getting tired of taking the BART. systematic draining of funds for tickets...although i logically realize gas costs just as much, if not more, i don't have to see the cash leave my hands as often. and it pisses me off when i reach the platform just in time to see the train pull away, making me 15-20 minutes later. ugh. better than traffic and finding parking though, i suppose. have not had any creepy people try to talk to me either--i think i've perfected my i'm-busy-and-unsociable look. shut up, that is not my normal look.

i don't know what i want. all i know is that i don't have it. haha.

* * *
"Lonely Day" -Phantom Planet

i could tell from the minute i woke up
it was going to be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day
rise and shine, rub the sleep out of my eyes
and try to tell myself i can't go back to bed
it's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day

even though the sun is shining down on me
and i should feel about as happy as can be
i just got here and i already want to leave
it's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day

everybody knows that something's wrong
but nobody knows what's going on
we all sing the same old song
when you want it all to go away
it's shaping up to be a lonely day

i could tell from the minute i woke up
it was going to be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day