spago scallops...oh good lord, so good.

i miss bea. she is too far away on the other side of campus. bad! but here we are on the caltrain heading up to the giants game a few weeks back (isn't she so cute?):

and here i am with my mom and amanda. don't i look like my mom? doesn't amanda look like a trashca--i mean, uh, that was just a joke i used to tell her...okay, amanda, we didn't really find you in a trashcan. you look like cousin anita. happy? :)

and here are the siblings. a normal photograph of brandon is yet to be found.


-
if i could be your first real heartache
i would do it over again

don't you wish you could mean exactly as much to someone as they mean to you? even if it all ends unhappily, at least you would know that you affected the other person equally. to feel the same passion, only to feel the same bittersweet ache when it ends - yes, i would relive that.

it's the inequality of caring and consideration that causes an unwelcome pain - knowing that i've hurt someone when i didn't want that at all, or feeling much more than i should when the other person couldn't give a shit. even when they truly regret not returning those feelings, that just makes me feel like a pity case. and i have too much pride for that.

so no, i don't think i would or should do this all over again...and again...and again...
but i do want to be a punk rock princess. :)

* * *
"Punk Rock Princess" -Something Corporate

maybe when the room is empty
maybe when the bottle's full
maybe when the door gets broke down love can break in
maybe when i'm done with thinking
maybe you can think me whole
maybe when i'm done with endings
this can begin, this can begin...

if you could be my punk rock princess
i could be your garage band king
you could tell me why you just don't fit in
and how you're gonna be something

maybe when your hair gets darker
maybe when your eyes get wide
maybe when the walls are smaller there will be more - space
maybe when i'm not so tired
maybe you could step inside
maybe when i look for things that i can't replace
i can't replace...

if you could be my punk rock princess
i would be your garage band king
you could tell me why you just don't fit in
and how you're gonna be something
if i could be your first real heartache
i would do it over again
if you could be my punk rock princess
i would be your heroin

i never thought you'd last
i never dreamed you would
you watch your life go past
you wonder if you should

now you should be my punk rock princess
i would be your garage band king
you could tell me why you just don't fit in
and how you're gonna be something
if i could be your first real heartache
i would do it over again
if you could be my punk rock princess
i would be your heroin

you know you only burn my bridges
you know you just can't let it sink in
you could be my heroine
you could be my heroine

it's been quite a weekend:

friday night: i am the best wingwoman ever; just ask limin. very multicultural night. am offered the opportunity to try hallucinogenic drugs the next night. what else would you expect from an EBF resident? :) sadly, (cousin's) marriage plans will conflict. perfect end to the night was a jack taco. ooh so bad, but ooh so good.
saturday: congratulations to wendy and cousin tim! open bar the entire night? uh-oh. no, no, christina was well-behaved. :) i just occasionally forget a few stories i tell during phone conversations before sleeping.
sunday: amanda is IMPOSSIBLE to wake up. i threw up my hands in disgust and left her to my mom's devices. :) sushi tomo, verde, and mountain view arts & wine festival are a great combination. ran into jason who still owes me harry potter. i finally wandered into the bookstores i've been eyeing on castro. my geekiness was revealed once again.

-
i've lost. at least i'm lighter now...and free?

not quite. but close. i'll get there. :)

should have done that a long, long time ago. no one to blame but myself, and i accept that.

no more stupidity, okay?

* * *
"My Favorite Game" -The Cardigans

i don't know what you’re looking for
you haven't found it, baby, that’s for sure
you rip me up you spread me all around
in the dust of the deed of time
and this is not a case of lust, you see
it's not a matter of you versus me
it's fine the way you want me on your own
but in the end it's always me alone

and i'm losing my favorite game
you're losing your mind again
i'm losing my baby
i'm losing my favorite game

i only know what i've been working for
another you so i could love you more
i really thought that i could take you there
but my experiment is not getting us anywhere
i had a vision i could turn you right
a stupid mission and a lethal fight
i should have seen it when my hope was new
my heart is black and my body is blue

and i'm losing my favorite game
you're losing your mind again
i'm losing my favorite game…

i've tried but you’re still the same
i'm losing my baby
you're losing a savior and a saint