Sometimes I hate alcohol. Lately, it tends to make me cry after a while. And tonight was the first time I've thrown up the night of drinking. What an accomplishment. Sorry to all my lovely friends for having to take care of me =X And thank you to Yeung for calling. :) Ah well. Let's hope tomorrow night will be harmless alcoholic board game fun.

I once saw a small sculpture titled "Regret" at a museum...oddly enough, I can't even remember which museum it was, but it was one of the most affecting pieces I've seen. With her head tilted aside and looking behind, the delicate sculpture just breathed that bittersweet feeling. For such a sad emotion, there is so much beauty. It's as if behind the sculpture lay every beautiful thing that could have been, that never was. But therein lies the problem: no one knows if such things would actually happen if given a second chance anyway. Sometimes, you just have to look ahead and try to forget the past.

And wow, my new Vicky's Secret thong is amazingly comfortable! Thanks, Bea. :)

I am eagerly awaiting Magic Mountain. ;)

* * *
"My Happiness" -Powderfinger

i see your shadow on the street now
i hear you push through the rusty gate
click of your heels on the concrete
waiting for a knock, coming way too late
it seems an age since i've seen ya
count down as the weeks trickle into days

so you come in and put your bags down
i know there's something in the air
how can i do this to you right now?
you're over there when i need you here...

my happiness
slowly creeping back now you're at home
if it ever starts sinking in
it must be when you pack up and go

it seems an age since i've seen ya
count down as the weeks trickle into days
i hope that time hasn't changed ya
all i really want is for you to stay

so you come in and put your bags down
i notice something in the air
how can i do this to you right now?
you're over there when i need you here...

my happiness
slowly creeping back now you're at home
if it ever starts sinking in
must be when you pack up and go

i know, i know, i know, what is inside...

Yay for shopping with Bea and Linh today. Unfortunately, I was not successful in that whole exercising-shopping-restraint thing. Shit.

Then earlier tonight I met up with the old school Roble freshman crew at the BBC. Did you know the BBC in Menlo Park stands for British Bankers Club? Hotness. British Bankers. Uh...yeah. I don't know what I'm talking about. Pictures!


Eric sandwich! Fulfilling his dreams. 


Girl picture! Here I am with Linh and Bea. Aren't they hot? Yet oh-so-taken. Sorry, boys. 


FOB pose. Herro! 


Couple picture with Eric's "sexy pose." Ooh baby! 


My favorite couple in the whole world - Ebahn and Bea! I looove you. And someday that threesome will happen. Gotta buy me a few more drinks, Eric. 


Oh crap. Kinky stuff, Linh. Lucky Eddy. 


The boys trying to be sexy. I like to call this photo, "Evil Eddy." Oh God, so possessed. Run, Tim, run! 


Girls. Tongues. What more can you ask for? And yes, my tongue really is touching my nose. 

This is someplace new. Like climbing out of a hole into some very muddled, cloudy air...only trying to follow the sweetness. I know it's out there, and I'll eventually find my way. It smells so close right now; I am full of hope.

I just wish it were easier and less uncertain. But that's the beauty of it, isn't it? The unpredictability, the possibility that the note might fall just a little bit off the expected. And maybe it will sound lovelier than you ever imagined.

I love my girl friends. You are all so very wonderful. Most recently, thank you, Bea and Michelle and Joanna and Debra. :) I can't go too wrong with you around to smack some sense into me every now and then, right? Or at the very least, I won't go crazy as long as I have you to listen to me get everything out of my system.

I just want everything to work out for once.

* * *
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands
-E.E. Cummings

I can't do this anymore.

You know they say, "Better late than never." I find this untrue. Sometimes late is just too late, and you can't be that stupid anymore. I hate being stupid. You can only repeat the same mistake so many times before calling yourself officially mentally retarded. But I hope we can still be friends. I sincerely do. I don't know how possible that would actually be though.

And I am grateful for you. Thank you so very much...for showing me there are more answers to the present. I am so hopeful. :)

:)

It's been a very lovely weekend. Watched Amelie for...oh, probably the fifth or sixth time and And I Hate You So (horrible translation of a Chinese title) for the second. Went to Tea Station for the umpteenth time for the pickled sour pork rice dish. Lost and found my phone for the billionth embarrassing time. ["Embarrass" is so appropriately spelled; quaintly close to "bare-assed." Sorry, random.] Tomorrow I will see beauteous Bea and she will shop while I attempt to restrain myself from doing the same thing.

Yummy. :)

Time will tell this tale.

* * *
"Just So You Know" -Holly Palmer

(i'm telling you something, i'm telling you something)

tell me, baby, if maybe we could put the top down
the sun is flying so high today (hey, come here, come here, can you hear me now?)
and the shine off your cherry fenders would be too much, but not too much
with your hand reach out, with your mouth shape the phrase and say:

just so you know
just so i know
just so we know we're together
if i can look in your eyes, and see what i feel is real, and i know we're together

oh, with your eyes, look over, with your car, pull over
that's all it's going to take
'cause i have been paying very close attention to your habits

somebody over there at the counter in the diner on the corner in the corner of my mind
wears your face
on a different day i'm someone else too and we disappear together
we fold up and fly away like paper airplanes
we rub each other's creases and
line up each other's angles
and we choose the brightest papers
and we
fly

just so you know
just so i know
just so we know we're together
if i can look in your eyes and see what i feel is real, then i know we're together

we could really take our time, we could really get our shapes just right
and fly off each other into the night
where we land is out of our hands
and so in this way we don't stop
we never stop
we don't stop
we won't stop, baby

just so you know...