yeah, i'm in on a saturday at 11:00 pm. not in the mood for partying at all, but i did drop by ambika's birthday party for a wee bit. happy birthday to her =)

i went to chef chu's for dinner with my sib family today...definitely good food. i was wondering what the waiter was thinking though, when five asian students come in for dinner and don't order or speak in chinese at all. maybe something like, "kids these days don't remember their roots and can't even speak their language" or something along those lines. i'm just not confident enough in my shaky cantonese and mandarin to say anything =P i need to fix that...the only way to become more fluent in languages is to utilize and practice them more. ah well...maybe i'll make that my new year's resolution. i never had resolutions before because i never really saw the point--my pessimistic side keeps telling me that i won't keep to the resolution anyway, so might as well not make any. i've got to work on those goal-making skills =P

dave, henry, and i went to the stanford symphonic orchestra concert afterward. (i also need to work on calling henry by "henry" and not "trevor"...i have that odd problem for some reason >_< ) albert bought the ticket for me, so that was cool...he's an awesome trumpet player =) the first set was "chinese folk dance suite", which was composed by chen yi, who was actually in the audience. it was really interesting and original. the second movement had all the members in the orchestra singing syllables in almost a voice percussionistic way (i don't know if percussionistic is a word, but humor me) that created this really cool soft background sound for the violin solo. after intermission was mahler's symphony no. 5, which was great. maybe just a bit too long for me because i'm not too knowledgable about classical music...almost dozed off during the third movement, scherzo, which is ironic because that was one of the faster portions. but i controlled myself, and the fourth movement, adagietto, was incredibly tender and sweet. albert had some great solo trumpet parts too...during the funeral march beginning. the finale was quite rousing of course =) makes me wish i weren't so ignorant about classical music...but then again i wish i weren't ignorant about a lot of things =P i really love going to concerts of all sorts though. live music really gets you emotionally involved in the songs, and helps you appreciate it so much more.

i'm not as much fun these days anymore. =( it's probably the dark threat of finals looming overhead. must study, must study! and i definitely have the sniffles now. i always get sick sometime during finals...i think my immune system gets depressed and unresponsive during finals studying time too. oh well, "this time will pass" and winter break will be wonderful as always =)

it's a gray, gray day.

i've literally done nothing productive today...i didn't even go to lunch since that would require going to another dining hall and it was raining outside. just munched on stuff i've hoarded from the dining hall in days past. i can feel the finals studying depression coming on...

but i received an email from vasantha today...haven't heard from her in a while. =) thanks for the email, vas! and i can't agree with you more...i feel like i've grown so much after coming to college...looking back to those high school days and even last year, i notice so many differences (and i inevitably cringe a lot =P). personally, interpersonally, socially, and in so many other ways i can't describe, i feel like i'm becoming a better person. not to say i'm near perfection or my ideal state or anything in any way...i've just grown...am still growing...and i hope there's a lot more growing to come. i'm going to go write an email to vas now. =) she's been one of the people i admired in high school because she had everything so together; she knew what she wanted, did what she had to do to get there, and often went beyond. and she still had fun =)

y'know, blogging right before i go to bed is a little odd. it's posted as the next day, so people (probably including me one of these days) may get confused. if you know what i mean. i don't feel like making my writing very clear tonight, so i won't be explaining =)

so this friday was pretty busy i suppose. went to my classes, did a little skit for chinese during our little tea party (yum!), took a nap afterward, felt happy. i treated one of my lil sibs (trevor) to dinner at manz tonight too...sat with good ol' oliver and had a nice chat. i miss having section with ollie...we used to have such fun on our walks to and from...and we entertained each other during our boring ihum sections. he wanted to try to grow a mullet this past summer. haha...yeah, that was random.

so later that evening i went to the ucsc kdphi installs...wow that started late. saw marina and peggy there though...they're all over the norcal scene it seems ;-) i saw paloma again too! i haven't seen her in forever. okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but compared to the amount of time i spent with her before, i have a right to miss her. she was actually the one who was holding the camera at the protest yesterday. crazy stuff. today the stanford daily was incredibly biased against the demonstrators in its articles and printing of an overwhelming number of negative letters to the editor. i'm really disappointed...i wrote a couple articles for the daily before, and i never thought they could be so unobjective and the editorial staff so quick to judge without knowing all the facts. all this sensationalism and condemnation is just diverting the attention from what truly matters--the subcontracting issue.

uh yeah, tangent again. so we finally got back from the ceremony about 2-3 hours after. didn't go party at xanadu since it started raining and i figured dave was passed out by then anyway...hah. instead stan picked me up to see "behind enemy lines" with him, james, toan, chien, eric, warren, and ken. movie was rather mediocre, but it was good for a couple laughs you weren't supposed to have. owen wilson has a rather crooked nose. and the music was way too dramatic for merely an action flick like that. and i have no idea why gene hackman agreed to do this movie. meh.

i should've been studying tonight. like i should have been studying every day this week. wow i suck. *sigh* my time will come.

yum...just woke up from my nap. seems i missed out on going to the tree-lighting ceremony in san jose though =( stan and toan should have woken me up. boo. but at least i got sleep =) hrm...i should study tonight. except i know that i probably won't. maybe i should just go party. blah. neither option looks very appealing. i'm getting old and lazy. and i'm not very talkative right after i wake up.

okay now that i've calmed down, i realize this is just sort of funny. in a way. still sad, but sort of amusing...eh. i dunno. maybe i take things too seriously sometimes =P

just came back from latenight with chuck and michelle though. i've missed chuckie =) need to catch up with him again. can't forget that msj loyalty *wink*. so on the way back, we were talking, and i realized that i can be surprisingly too loud sometimes. it's true. i started echoing while we were walking down the street. why is it that sometimes i can barely raise my voice or have anything i want to say, but at other times, i can't shut up or keep my voice down?

please don't read this if you don't want to hear ranting.

so after that whole rally and drama with the 6 arrests, the asian american leaders email list, student activism lists, labor action group lists and such were basically spammed by an ignorant bastard who wouldn't even reveal his real name:

"Dear Socialsts,

This used to be a great country when we were free of communism and socialism. But as socialsim has taken over, we more and more find ourselves the victims of mobs of irrational hooligans that are wannabe students. Unfortunately, it takes more then violence to become a contributing member of society.

My suggestion to Stanford Universtiy is to permanently expel the socialists that want to run the University and let them head out to Cuba or Ukrain where there style of freedom is practiced.

Sincerely,
donw"

i have left all spelling errors intact because this person is an IDIOT. just because some people were peacefully standing up for the rights of workers who will lose money and benefits due to subcontracting does *not* mean they are "irrational hooligans that are wannabe students" or even socialists! there was *no* violence except the violence instigated by the security guards at the hospital, as witnessed by videotaping. this closeminded asshole is stuck in the mccarthy era with no perception of the current state of the nation. i would be extremely hard-pressed to think of this country as anything other than capitalistic. this "donw" needs to get his facts straight and get educated. a couple other members of the lists have replied to express their outrage and contempt for such ignorance (besides correcting obvious spelling errors), so then we were graced with yet another email from "donw":

"Hi,

Thanks for the spelling lesson.

Maybe you should take some classes in economics. I wonder where you would be if you had to pay for the Stanford tuition. Probably in the great high school in Havana.

Sincerely,

donw"

what the HELL is that?! this guy had better be drunk and/or somehow not a stanford student. i would be completely ashamed to call him a classmate. i'm sure the person who gave donw that greatly needed spelling lesson *is* paying for his stanford tuition, and what is his ridiculous fixatition with cuba?? my god, GET A LIFE AND A BRAIN! if you want to criticize the protest, fine, that's your right, but at least know what the hell you're talking about.

well all those arrested are released now with only a citation...wondering if paloma was there though. i still need to know what happened...but i'm sure i'll be able to read about it in the news tomorrow.

on a lighter note, i tried fresca, a grapefruit-flavored soda, tonight for the first time. it's rather good, so i was wondering about fresca since it's not one of those highly publicized sodas, even though it's owned by the coca-cola company. i went and looked up fresca on google.com and only came up with articles about how the fda recalled it last year =O but it seems it's all good now. then i looked up fresca's history and discovered some interesting trivia...evidently president lyndon b johnson loved fresca so much that he had had a fountain installed in the oval office that dispensed the soda (if this isn't true, blame historian doris kearns goodwin). also, when fresca was being sold in mexico, it had some problems since it's slang for "lesbian". whoops.

wow...six students were just arrested this afternoon at the stanford hospital after they and two others tried to meet with the VP of general services to discuss the subcontracting of housekeeping jobs at the hospital. i remember hearing about the rally before this meeting, but i had no idea stanford students would be arrested. these were leaders of the ethnic communities and other clubs on campus, and i just have to wonder on what grounds they were arrested...i hope my pledge sister paloma is okay because i remember her telling me that she was going to an meeting with a hospital administrator sometime this week about the subcontracting...i already know that the aasa chair was arrested, which is just unreal since i know him and that's just...yeah. i'm feeling inarticulate. i read about the incident through email around half an hour ago, when i finally got back to my room, but when i went to the quad where the rally was held, it was over already...i need to find out what happened. i hope paloma calls me back soon. i really don't know what else to say.

i had a really interesting chat with stan tonight, so i didn't start my homework till 2:00 am =P ah well. i'm glad stan doesn't getting offended when i constantly question what he's saying...that's just how i debate things =) i don't feel like i can adequately answer a question or discuss a topic unless i know as much as possible about what the other person means. er...if that makes sense. i question a lot to understand what the other person is saying, what their opinion is, etc, because i feel that i can't respond as well as the other person deserves if i don't adequately grasp the situation (and i just used "adequately" twice, i know, but i'm too lazy to think of a synonym). any which way, you can't ever really know exactly what the other person is thinking anyway because of some innate problems with language (terministic screens! *ahem* yeah.). okay, i'm just gonna leave it at that because i'm going to finish up my work and go to bed now =P

ahh...my room is so much cleaner and neater now! makes me so relieved to see it tidy =)

it was martina's birthday today...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! we went to korean bbq for her birthday...yum =) i probably still smell like it. they're actually drinking tonight too! on a wednesday night...crazy. no drinking during the middle of the week for me, thankyouverymuch.

we also had the ski trip informational meeting tonight, and as expected, not many non-core members showed up. lazy stanford students =P granted, it was raining, but it would have been nice to have a larger turnout. no matter what though, ucaa ski trip is going to kick ass this year ;-)

then we held the asian american issues meeting on the foreignness of asian americans. it was definitely thought-provoking since i never really stopped to consider that asian americans are still definitely portrayed as foreigners although we have been in the usa since the 1500s or 1600s...i supposedly led one of the discussions, but the effectiveness of my discussion guidance is arguable =P unfortunately, the discussion was dominated by about half the group while the other half didn't say a thing. i was very interested in the whole discussion, but it made me realize even more how ignorant i am of asian american history. i vow i'm going to take that course sometime this year or next =P okay, back on topic though, i think we have all noticed on some level the perpetually foreign stereotype of asian americans. while african americans have stereotypes also, they are not viewed as "foreign" at all becuase of their rich culture. the majority of asian americans, however, remain ignorant of their unique history and the struggles other asian americans have gone through to gain whatever freedoms and levels of equality we enjoy today. this may be due to apathy or lack of such curricula, but it's a definite problem. and in media, most portrayals of asian americans unquestionably fall into stereotypes: dragon ladies, submissive women, kung fu artists, etc. what really distresses me is remembering the countless times i have heard asian americans refer to a particular white person as "that american." all american citizens are american, and i am just as american as the next citizen. the fact that there is a widespread idea of the "american" as being only white reminds me that there is so much more work to be done in the acceptance of people of color in the US, and the definition of an american must continue to evolve into something more diverse and tolerant---after all, aren't those two characteristics something america claims to be?

er...yeah. there was a lot more discussed, but i'll spare whoever is reading this =) after the meeting ended, a bunch of us just stayed and ate and chatted. judy came down to talk a bit...she's so hilarious...haha. love that girl. and i want our jackets! =D purple with lavender letters and silver outline...yes, quite girlie, but what can you do? i would so not be able to pull off a black jacket with letters...i don't look nearly hard enough =)

okay, going to attempt to do some work in my clean, vacuumed room now.

i really like sitting around in my bathrobe after a warm shower. i mean, you're all clean, the bathrobe's fuzzy and warm...how can you beat that? yeah, i'm really random sometimes. oh well.

like yeung said, the rest of this quarter is a dark, stinky tunnel, leading to the light that is winter vacation. i just want someone to drive me through while i sleep in the passenger seat under my warm comforter. i am now taking requests for drivers and people who want to hitch rides with me, but i promised yeung the backseat. sorry--trunk's still free!

helping my sister revise her essay to make it the perfect college application essay is hard work. still up and still revising...i'm one nitpicky mofo when i want to be =) this is one great essay...colleges should let her in just on the basis of her personal statement. i'm so proud of my little sister! *sniff* she's so grown up now ;-)

i used the word "rudimentary" in normal conversation today. i'm such a dork =P

i think we should all be allowed to hibernate during cold weather like other animals do. i can just imagine making a little den for myself in bed with my comforters and fleece blanket...mmm. *wistful sigh* but no, there are classes to go to, finals to study for, places to go, people to see, things to do, and our frail bodies require nourishment and waste disposal. and i suppose i would start to smell stale and nasty after sleeping in a warm, enclosed space for so long. damn circumstance.

oh! i forgot to mention that i talked to jeffrey yu today! i literally haven't seen that boy in YEARS when we used have what...four or five classes out of six together? craziness. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEFFREY! i miss him...hehe. if i don't see him over winter break, he's gonna have to pay! i'll just make sure he doesn't drive...so many near-death incidents with him in the driver's seat =P he had his special dodging-the-red-light maneuver down too. ack! i'm getting all nostalgic. must see jeffrey!

brrr...it's getting so cold these days. makes my whole body dry =P

ooh ooh, i was so proud of myself! i made that little box on the left side open links in new windows! haha, shut up. i don't know html, so this is exciting for me ;-)

besides that little accomplishment, i haven't been doing much. went to class, ate, the usual. oh, finals cramming has officially started for me. eric and i spent a couple hours studying this afternoon...i don't believe i have ever studied this early for an exam before. yeah, i'm usually a slacker. as finals approach, watch christina get more and more depressed =P they're just not good for mental health.

um...i don't remember what else i wanted to say anymore. dylan interrupted my blogging with his call, but it's okay because i like phonecalls =) oh, i did go to office hours earlier tonight. it was already freezing cold at 6:45! i attempted to bundle up in two layers of shirts, a windbreaker, a scarf, and gloves...i'm really feeling the loss of my black jacket and sweater jacket right now =( i'm going to be dressed the same every day these next three weeks because of the cold, and i only have one jacket here.

uh...i keep getting distracted. i have no idea what i'm typing anymore, so i think i'll end this blog =P

woke up rather late today...made it to chinese class late =( quiz wasn't too bad though at least. but scrubby christina was back again...whee! didn't get to take my shower until noon =X ah well, i got clean =)

my new sweatshirt is very warm. mmm. also took a couple naps today...sooo tired from barely sleeping last night. my arms felt like spaghetti and it felt like i didn't have any leg muscles at all when i was biking to classes. rather blah day until meeting at 10. fun non exec board elections =) i'm rush chair now...oh my! that's going to be a lot of work during spring quarter! but i'm determined to have a kickass rush week, baby =) after meeting, i dropped by latenight for my smoothie...yum! not much can compare to adequately satisfying a craving. i think i'm getting a wee bit sick though =\ throat's starting to ache *sigh* i hope it will just magically go away *poof*

feeling happier =)

* * *

This Year ~Chantal Kreviazuk

This year is gonna be incredible
This year is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year, I’m gonna have fun

This year, I’ll paint my masterpiece
This year, I’ll be recognized
I can feel that I’ll fall in love for real
This year, this year

January - I learn to fly
February - love’s gonna find me
March, April, May - I’ll get carried away

This year, I’ve reached the pinnacle
This year, I’ll get to the top
People will ask where she got that energy
This year, I’m never gonna stop

January - I learn to fly
February - love’s gonna find me
March, April, May - I’ll get carried away

This year is gonna be incredible
This year is gonna be the one
All the planets are lining up for me
This year, I’m gonna have fun

I’m gonna have fun
Just watch me now
This year, this year, this year

sun's coming up. o_O

oh wow i've wasted a lot of time tonight. i suuuuuck.

my colorgenics profile:

You are always alert and keenly observant. You are not truly satisfied with your everyday status and you are seeking fresh avenues which can give you the opportunity to prove your worth. You feel that there are still many barriers that stand between you and recognition - but one by one you will overcome them. Your tenacity is your one good point ... like an English Bulldog ... once you take the bite, you will seldom let go..

You are looking for excitement and stimulation and you are ready to try anything .... but be careful not to take too many risks.

You are very demanding ... and insisting on total involvement ..but you do not reciprocate with the same depth of feeling. However, it could well be that maybe an unprecedented surprise is awaiting you in the near future ... for just as one, whilst paddling in the sea, could flounder into a whirlpool, so you may be drawn into a loving situation that has high emotional demands and you could well respond with a depth emotion that you never even dreamed that you possessed...

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time.... You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer .... MOVE!

~

hrm. interesting. i suppose it describes me well enough? you tell me. it's difficult to analyze yourself =)

too cold outside, too warm inside. where's my happy medium?

back to stanford for only one more week of regular class...then comes dead week and finals. thanksgiving break shouldn't be called a "break" at all...it doesn't qualify for that or the term "vacation". four days does not cut it! ah well...i had much fun at home. it was so wonderful seeing all my relatives again and just being home with my mom, brandon, and amanda =) missed those buggers. i got to hold lucas for a while too...what a cute little baby! and then he drooled all over my sleeve (actually amanda's sleeve since i was wearing her sweater), but he was still cute. i ate way too much of course, but that's the whole point of thanksgiving dinner. yuuum...then there was our odd trip to edgie's for pool at 1 am. the whole place was filled with asians...rather odd since it was more than usual...and a little bit frightening =P playing with craig and chester was fun...chester's like the epitome of the cynical, jaded gen x-er. it was amusing trying to trade cynicisms and sarcastic quips with him.

cut to the next day, friday, and you see me with all my high school girls (jenmarchidebcherjojac) during our day trip to san francisco. chrissandi couldn't make it (well i did see di later at least). it's odd how my demeanor can change with the change of environment or company. i felt so bright and carefree and optimistic with my gals. we had a lot of fun watching harry potter, shopping, and eating at the cheesecake factory =) i missed the feel of being with them...each person i'm with strikes me a different way and i instinctively act a certain way to interact and get to know him or her better. with my girls, it's so unselfconscious about image, lighthearted, comfortable, and fun =) and yay for cheesecake factory! i've been cheesecake factory deflowered at last. oh goodness that lemon raspberry cream cheesecake was *heavenly*. harry potter was enjoyable too...scenes were necessarily cut of course, but they did a great job overall...and watching quidditch and such come alive was amazing =) yes, i'm a harry potter geek, and i'm not afraid to admit it! i'm ridiculously excited about the fifth book. hurry up and come out already!

saturday i did a lot of laundry. and when i say "a lot of laundry," i mean the whole laundromat deal since i washed virtually every comforter in the house. i dislike the laundromat. too many quarters = too much trouble. wasted a good three hours there. whee fun. but then i went ice skating that night with deb, jo, mike, david, steven, and anthony...fun stuff. haven't done that for a while...and good job, deb, you didn't fall! =D we hit up tam's place afterward, saw people, chilled, all that good stuff. no drinking for me that night though. did a lot of talking, watching of streetfighter on playstation, attempting to play streetfighter on playstation, and being amused by three guys playing with sexual dice (haha!). oh! tony yang dropped by that day too to give me an umbrella. i felt bad because i didn't have his umbrella on me so i couldn't return it =( i hope things go well for him...he's such a quality guy.

woke up this morning (er, okay, afternoon) at home with the funkiest hair ever since i had slept on it wet...hehehe. i should take a picture of my weird hair mornings someday. oh well, got back to school, unpacked most of my stuff, chilled with michelle, the usual. went to our aa issues meeting with the core tonight, not many showed up, alas. hope the meeting turns out okay on wednesday...topic sounds intriguing: the foreignness of asian americans. i'll write more about that after the meeting if i remember.

so...back at school with no prospects. ah well. still allows you _something to talk about_. it's been a long time, man. *sigh*