magicaljus: hahah, you know...if you're the way you are
magicaljus: it may be hard to find the right type of guy that will sweep you off your feet
magicaljus: or even if you find him, you'll drive him away

thanks, sherman! helping me keep that hope alive! =P

-
i sort of miss stormy nights when i didn't have anything to worry about--i could snuggle up in a big soft blanket and read a book or just listen to the rain outside. i suppose those would be the best times to have someone to cuddle with so you can keep each other warm.

okay, blog getting too angsty for my tastes tonight. oh, guess what. i can't get into my car! sadness. doors won't unlock...will need AAA guy again. blah. love/hate relationship with my old-ass car.

too late now. brain not fully functional--only had a random urge to blog. pathetic. =(

* * *
"Lullabye for a Stormy Night" -Vienna Teng

little child, be not afraid
though rain pounds harshly against the glass
like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger
i am here tonight

little child, be not afraid
though thunder explodes and lightning flash
illuminates your tear-stained face
i am here tonight

and someday you'll know
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning

little child, be not afraid
though storm clouds mask your beloved moon
and its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams
i am here tonight

little child, be not afraid
though wind makes creatures of our trees
and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand?
and i am here tonight

and someday you'll know
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning

for you know, once even i was a
little child, and i was afraid
but a gentle someone always came
to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears
and to give a kiss goodnight

well now i am grown
and these years have shown
that rain's a part of how life goes
but it's dark and it's late
so i'll hold you and wait
'til your frightened eyes do close

and I hope that you'll know
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning

everything's fine in the morning
the rain'll be gone in the morning
but i'll still be here in the morning

edit: formal photos up on my xanga. enjoy.
---

formal was beautiful and fun and minnelly and c.chiou are goddesses. =) slideshow was abso-fucking-lutely amazing (martina and claudia are incredible), and i'm so sad about the etas leaving...they've been with me every step of my kdphi career, and things will be so different. i know they'll all be successful and hot. thanks to jason for being such a lovely arm accessory--you're lucky i lost my camera so you didn't have to take nearly as many pictures as all the other escorts. you're such a good little escort ho. ;-) thanks for being so fun!

everything's so overwhelming these days too--but i've gotten used to so many waves of change that the turbulence has become normal. in any case, i'm still in way too deeply and it feels so difficult to get out. sometimes i don't even want to try.

it all flows on past anyway. have a nice little swirl, then you let go.

i don't really keep any IM windows open anymore. i'd rather close them all. [okay, except for yours, michelle. even though you betrayed me with extra gf's!]

sometimes i find it really sad that i've become so cynical. i don't think i've become this way because it's the cool or sophisticated thing to do--i'm only realistic. fine, maybe a little hurt or scared if you want to psychoanalyze. whatever. like my brithday present says, "you're not bitter, you're cynically hopeful." amen. at least that hope hasn't died. i think i'm glad.

* * *
"Shimmer" -Fuel

she calls me from the cold
just when i was low, feeling short of stable
and all that she intends
and all she keeps inside isn't on the label
she says she's ashamed
can she take me for a while?
can i be a friend? we'll forget the past
but maybe I'm not able
and i break at the bend

we're here and now, will we ever be again?
'cause i have found
all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
away again

she dreams a champagne dream
strawberry surprise, pink linen on white paper
lavender and cream
fields of butterflies, reality escapes her
she says that love is for fools that fall behind
and i'm somewhere in between
i never really know
a killer from a savior
'til i break at the bend

we're here and now, will we ever be again?
'cause i have found
all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
away again

it's too far away for me to hold
it's too far away -

guess i'll let it go