time passes so quickly.

in a period of deep wanting. there just...isn't enough. of so many different things. i'm tired of so much.

you know that whole playing-hard-to-get deal? as a fairly straightforward person, i'd like to think that's a load of bullshit; life would be simpler if people knew what others wanted. no confusion, no drama, a straight line is the most direct route from point A to point B. unfortunately, the hard-to-get strategy also seems to work in a lot of cases. most people are intrigued by what they cannot have--ooh, forbidden fruit! ooh, someone who doesn't like me! there are those little elements of challenge and pridefulness: if they don't want me now, i'll make them want me. either that or only the inner yearning increases. that sucks. if only we had enough willpower to control our feelings and stick to things that will be "good" for us...always easier said than done, eh?

this guy i once dated a bit has a girlfriend now. they look very happy together :) i'm happy for him too, and know that i don't want to actually be with him myself due to various factors, but the idea that he's with her still gets me a little. it just comes down to the fact that he has someone and i don't. ah, how petty and self-centered we can be.

:waves to chi: thanks for the talk, honey. i'll understand from here and you'll understand from there. don't worry, i'll stick by you ;)

* * *
"Tidal Wave" -Longwave

take me down in a tidal wave
take me down when i'm wired
the hardest thing you ever gave away is the hardest thing to keep
i am everything you wanted
i am everything you wanted
i am everything you need

take me back to the other place
take me back when i'm alone
i can see all the little things that once could make me whole
i am everything you wanted
i am everything you wanted
i am everything you need

but i can feel it again
i can feel it again
i am everything you wanted
i am everything you need

give me the colors of a different light
give me the colors grey and blue
everything you ever hoped to be is when the colors breathe
i am everything you wanted
i am everything you wanted
i am everything you need

but i can feel it again
i can feel it again
i am everything you wanted...
everything you wanted...

headlight update: ran around town on thursday to figure out what was wrong with my headlamps. went to kragen to get replacement bulbs, but all i got was the mexican cashier hitting on me and bulbs that i didn't need. turns out the bulbs weren't burned out. i checked the fuses; they weren't blown either. yes, i actually opened the hood and checked the fuses and replaced the bulb all by myself--to no avail. went to the shop and it turns out a computer module had the headlight section burned out and the replacement part will be $595. :( that face does not even begin to convey my unhappiness.

health update: right after i got my appetite back after the first bout of sickness, my throat started feeling sore. my body keeps sabotaging one of the few pleasures in my life: eating! also...
chrispy ha (2:37:18 PM): my right neck lymph nodes are pretty swollen
chrispy ha (2:37:20 PM): it's sorta freaky
TSK 00 (2:40:24 PM): that means the germinal centers in your secondary lymph follicles are undergoing heavy replication
hahaha...thanks, digi. you're of such great comfort ;)

laundry update: done! 3 loads...my arms felt like they were going to fall out of their sockets when i had to lug all my clean clothes from my far, far parking spot.

xanga update: pubic hair puzzle and photos of bea and me :) clicky

relationship update: my bf and i had a hot time in my room late last night. oh yeah. we were doing crossword puzzles. god, we're such geeky girls. haha. hm...maybe i need to find an actual male bf sometime. everyone gets a little lonely for that type of companionship sometimes...okay, maybe some people just get horny. whatever. in any case, i think i'd like a real relationship sometime in the near future. might be neat. hah. things never seem to work out though...maybe i'm subconsciously commitment-phobic. someone surprise me!

"closer," the hidden track on dido's new "life for rent" cd, is a cute song. :)

* * *
"Closer" -Dido

so leave your taxi waiting
and turn and close my door
and sit back down where you were sitting
a little closer than before

when you look that serious
it just makes me want you more
and i've been meaning to tell you

the closer you get, the better i feel
the closer you are, the more i see
why everyone says that i look happier
when you're around
the closer you get, the better i feel

and yes, i know you're nervous
never seen you so unsure
you haven't touched your food tonight
and you're drinking more and more

and there's no need to hurry
take your time, i'll still be here
and i've been meaning to tell you
the closer you get, the better i feel
the closer you are, the more i see
why everyone says that i look happier
when you're around...

we've been circling for time, baby
we're coming down to land tonight
the wait is over, now it's easy
everything is fine

the closer you get, the better i feel
the closer you are, the more i see
why everyone says that i look happier
when you're around
the better i feel, the closer you get
the better you see, the closer you are,
the more i see
why everyone says that i look happier
when you're around
the closer you get, the better i feel