sometimes i bruise too easily.

i'll only let you see the physical ones though.

wouldn't it all be simpler with a clean slate?
i think i've run out of room
someone erase me.

* * *
"Nothing Is Good Enough" -Aimee Mann

once upon a time
is how it always goes
but i'll make it brief
what was started out
with such excitement
now I'd gladly end with relief
in what now has become a familiar motif:

that nothing is good enough
for people like you
who have to have someone
take the fall
and something to sabotage -
determined to lose it all

critics at their worst
could never criticize
the way that you do
no, there's no one else, i find,
to undermine or dash a hope
quite like you
and you do it so casually too

'cause nothing is good enough
for people like you
who have to have someone
take the fall
and something to sabotage -
determined to lose it all

ladies and gentlemen -
here's exhibit A
didn't i try again?
and did the effort pay?
wouldn't a smarter man
simply walk away?

it doesn't really help
that you can never say
what you're looking for
but you'll know it when you hear it
know it when you see it
walk through the door
so you say -
so you've said many times before

but nothing is good enough
for people like you
who have to have someone
take the fall
and something to sabotage -
determined to lose it all

I hung out with Jenbutt tonight. :) It's been a while, fellow geekgirl. I am officially her go-to girl for all geeky pursuits, especially when related to books. Verde tea and a screening of the ENTIRE A&E Pride and Prejudice miniseries made us sooo very happy. :D Not many people can relate with me on this particular level...I will miss you very much when you're all the way in Japan, Jen. :(

Watching Pride and Prejudice also inspires two intense feelings:
1) inevitable urge to reread any and all Jane Austen novels for pure witty genius and
2) a deep yearning to find my own Mr. Darcy.

Goddamnit.

Number 2 is even more discouraging when I realize Darcy's outward emotional impassivity is insanely attractive to me. There just seems to be so much going on inside. Sigh. And Darcy is just so honorable and intelligent and dashing and handsome and Elizabeth knows his love for her means so much more because the depth of feeling for her is so rare for him. SIGH. SIGHSIGHSIGHSIGHSIGH. I AM SO LAME. Such a sucker for those stoic, honorable, manly men [Kouda from "Good Luck!" too!].

In reality though, the preference for the above means I am inclined to like emotionally monochromatic/stunted men.

Goddamnit Part II.

* * *
"Eric's Song" -Vienna Teng

strange how you know inside me
I measure the time and I stand amazed
strange how I know inside you
my hand is outstretched toward the damp of the haze

and of course I forgive
I've seen how you live
like a phoenix you rise from the ashes
you pick up the pieces
and the ghosts in the attic
they never quite leave
and of course I forgive
you've seen how I live
I've got darkness and fears to appease
my voices and analogies
ambitions like ribbons
worn bright on my sleeve

strange how we know each other

strange how I fit into you
there's a distance erased with the greatest of ease
strange how you fit into me
a gentle warmth filling the deepest of needs

and with each passing day
the stories we say
draw us tighter into our addiction
confirm our conviction
that some kind of miracle
passed on our heads
and how I am sure
like never before
of my reasons for defying reason
embracing the seasons
we dance through the colors
both followed and led

strange how we fit each other

strange how certain the journey
time unfolds the petals for our eyes to see
strange how this journey's hurting
in ways we accept as part of fate's decree

so we just hold on fast
acknowledge the past
as lessons exquisitely crafted
painstakingly drafted
to carve us as instruments
that play the music of life
for we don't realize
our faith in the prize
unless it's been somehow elusive
how swiftly we choose it
the sacred simplicity
of you at my side

And I'm back - a little tanner, a little more tired, having eaten a LOT more food.

Cozumel, Mexico - Isla Mujeres; beautiful beaches, lovely shopping, open bar: who could ask for more?

Roatan, Honduras - van sightseeing tour, iguana farm, quiet beach, throwing Brandon into the Caribbean multiple times

Belize - jungle trek in stupid sandals that kept twisting off my feet in the mud, CAVE TUBING! Mom incapable of grasping the physics of innertube-paddling, finally hooking her feet under my tube and having me haul her the rest of the way down through the caves

Cancun - ultimate resort, air-conditioned mall [Yes, we cheated.]

M/S Norwegian Sea - sturdy ship with [perhaps overly] friendly staff, tiny ass cabins, lots of white Texans, plenty of good food [mmm...the number of medium-rare slabs of beef I consumed...], and the CHOCOHOLIC BUFFET

Everywhere on the trip - hot and humid as hell. Well, maybe hell would be less humid.

Mom Vocabulary:
kai-ACK-ee - kayak
ar-KAI-yee - arcade
ja-COO-chee - jacuzzi

Brandon Vocabulary:
hasta hasta, bengola, balam saday, be-quay - i have no idea.

Final note: I can't imagine that many things more pleasurable than eating as many chocolate-covered strawberries as possible. Oh god. The memory!

* * *
"Wheel" -John Mayer

people have the right to fly
and will when it gets compromised
their hearts say, "move along"
their minds say, "gotcha heart"
"let's move it along"

and airports see it all the time
where someone's last goodbye
blends in with someone's sigh
'cause someone's coming home
in hand a single rose

and that's the way this wheel keeps working now
that's the way this wheel keeps working now
and i won't be the last
no, i won't be the last
to love her

you can't build a house of leaves
and live like it's an evergreen
it's just a season thing
it's just this thing that seasons do

and that's the way this wheel keeps working now
that's the way this wheel keeps working now
and you won't be the first
no, you won't be the first
to love me

you can find me
if you ever want again
i'll be around the bend
i'll be around the bend
i'll be around

and if you never stop when you wave goodbye
you just might find if you give it time
you will wave hello again
you just might wave hello again

and that's the way this wheel keeps working now
that's the way this wheel keeps working now

you can't love too much one part of it
you can't love too much one part of it

i believe that my life's gonna see
the love i give returned to me...