nigel made a goal for me. oh god.

cycles. everything seems to go in cycles although the faces may change, the words may differ, or we just get older. so there we are, spinning around and around in slightly different orbits each time, with nothing to hold onto except our ideals.

looks like another turn of the wheel coming up. nice, by-the-book so far...too bad about the smoking. we'll see how long this one lasts. wouldn't it be just amazing to stay somewhere for a while?

i was talking to a friend the other day about romantic comedies and we disagreed about whether amelie can qualify as one. i said yes, he said no. i remember having laughed and leaving each viewing with the biggest smile on my face since the girl and guy are happily together in the end--how is that not a romantic comedy? yet there was a good point about how amelie was full of little tragedies, a vein of sad seriousness, things the "typical" romantic comedy wouldn't possess. i realized that's true, but that's what made amelie that much better for me. it didn't flinch from some of the cruelties of life while still seeming uplifting. life is full of angsty, sad, unfair moments, and full of little quirks you can laugh at too.

uh, there was a point to that paragraph. except i seem to have forgotten it. damn distractions. sometimes everything inside twists so much that even my teeth ache. i hate that. is it being sensitive? maybe about certain things...but what really matters most of the time is how you act upon your feelings anyway. and in that case, i might even be callous.

* * *
"A Sorta Fairytale" -Tori Amos

on my way up north
up on the ventura
i pulled back the hood
and i was talking to you
and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn't know that we
we could break a silver lining

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale with you
a sorta fairytale with you

things you said that day
up on the 101
the girl had come undone
i tried to downplay it
with a bet about us
you said that you'd take it
as long as i could
i could not erase it

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale with you
a sorta fairytale with you

and i ride alongside
and i rode alongside you then
and i rode alongside
till you lost me there in the open road
and i rode alongside
till the honey spread itself so thin
for me to break your bread
for me to take your word
i had to steal it

way up north i took my day
all in all was a pretty nice day
and i put the hood right back where
you could taste heaven perfectly
feel out the summer breeze
didn't know when we'd be back and i
i don't, didn't think
we'd end up like this

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale with you
a sorta fairytale with you
i could pick back up whenever i feel

sometimes you can feel where others' lives will lead. especially when they will wander away from yours.

close your eyes, explore each direction...and the one that causes the most twisting of the soul will most likely be the true one. call it a hunch, call it intuition, call it the future, call it the past.

and it may be petty, but we're only human. it's okay for others to be happy--we just want to be happy first. simple.

everyone's perfect until you get to know them too, and there's no state quite as perfect as infatuation :) there you deal only with the shiny exterior, glossing over any nicks or faults. dig a little deeper and the delicate shell cracks and crumbles. you see the darkness, the pitfalls, the little imperfections--will you accept them or turn away? it's how you deal with the aftermath that matters.

* * *
"Drought" -Vienna Teng
(still on a vienna kick)

summer move forward and stitch me the fabric of fall
wrap life in the brilliance of death to humble us all
how sweet is the day?
i'm craving a darkness
as i sit tucked away with my back to the wall

and the taste of dried-up hopes in my mouth
and the landscape of merry and desperate drought
how much longer, dear angels?
let winterlight come
and spread your white sheets over my empty house

summer move forward and leave your heat anchored in dust
forgotten him, cheated him, painted illusions of lust
now language escape, fugitive of forgiveness
leaving as trace only circles of rust

and the taste of dried-up hopes in my mouth
and the landscape of merry and desperate drought
how much longer, dear angels?
come break me with ice
let the water of calm trickle over my doubts

come let me drown
angels, no fire, no salt on the plow
carry me down
bury me down

and the taste of dried-up hopes in my mouth
and the landscape of merry and desperate drought
once i knew myself
and with knowing came love
i would know love again if i had faith enough
too far is next spring and her jubilant shout
so angels, inside
is the only way out

just came back from the vienna teng show at cafe du nord...simply amazing. surpassed even my expectations. thanks for coming. :)

the venue had atmosphere and vienna sounds even better live. beautiful voice, incredible piano-playing, provocative lyrics...all my favorites were played and we even had a little sing-along audience participation bit.

i so admire talent and hard work. and quitting a safe job at cisco to pursue music took guts! yay stanford!

soon love soon

* * *
"Momentum" -Vienna Teng

why am i walking barefoot
upon this road with no one around?
i close my eyes to this decision
the night's like coffee to my tongue
like waking up without a sound
i map the words out
maybe you will say them

would you help me rise up?
touch my face and watch me try to breathe again
would you let me do this?
burn down the final wall

overcome me, baby
overcome me, baby
overcome me, baby
overcome me, yeah
all i'm asking is to be alive for once

always i am mistaken
i look for love, i find a stone
of all the seasons, winter befriends me
i come to you in friendship
and hold my breath against the snow
what are you thinking as i gaze into you?

forgive me the confusion
forgive me as i realize my thoughts betrayed
you are the answer
cry and smile the same