i recently read a book entitled "treason" by orson scott card. it's one of those future-planets-inhabited-by-evolved-humans scifi novels. pretty interesting read if you're into that sort of stuff (although i liked "wyrms" better).

anyway, the protagonist comes from this "family" that has been genetically altered to be able to regenerate any lost or damaged body part. chop off his legs and they grow back in a matter of hours/days/whatever. however, there are these "radical regeneratives" that grow every body part possible and spontaneously sprout random extra body parts--they end up having their organs periodically harvested like animals or get exiled. so the hero discovers he's one of the radical regeneratives because he's grown breasts and ovaries and gets exiled. as he's leaving, he's miserable since he's leaving everything he's known and everyone he's loved, including his gf/fiance.

the slightly amusing part is that he grabs his own boobs to remember hers. haha

and this reminds me of several conversations i've had with males who say that if they suddenly became women and grew breasts, the very first thing they'd do would be to touch them. then they would use them to their advantage to get free drinks, seduce guys into getting their way, etc...

which leads me to the conclusion that if any guys suddenly became females, they would first fondle themselves and then become whores.

here we reach an intrinsic difference between males and females. most women, if they suddenly became males and grew dicks, would not immediately touch themselves and jack off.

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into holly palmer's new single, "just so you know". catchy...slight spoken word vibe going for it, sort of smoother nelly furtado-ish feel too. random fact: she used to be david bowie's backup singer.

* * *
"Just So You Know" -Holly Palmer

i'm telling you something, i'm telling you something

tell me, baby, if maybe we could put the top down
the sun is flying so high today (hey, come here, come here, can you hear me now?)
and the shine off your cherry fenders would be too much, but not too much
with your hand reach out, with your mouth shape the phrase and say:

just so you know
just so i know
just so we know we're together
if i can look in your eyes, and see what i feel is real, and i know we're together

oh, with your eyes, look over, with your car, pull over
that's all it's going to take
'cause i have been paying very close attention to your habits

somebody over there at the counter in the diner on the corner in the corner of my mind
wears your face
on a different day i'm someone else too and we disappear together
we fold up and fly away like paper airplanes
we rub each other's creases and
line up each other's angles
and we choose the brightest papers
and we
fly

just so you know
just so i know
just so we know we're together
if i can look in your eyes and see what i feel is real, then i know we're together

we could really take our time, we could really get our shapes just right
and fly off each other into the night
where we land is out of our hands
and so in this way we don't stop
we never stop
we don't stop
we won't stop, baby

just so you know...

i hate feeling icky. you know that feeling when your insides alternately twist and squeeze and reach for more? yeah, that one. and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with what i've eaten.

that angsty feeling is what the whole romance market is about though. yes, i have to admit that the occasional romance novel is my guilty pleasure. some may say it's entirely predictable, you don't learn anything, it doesn't improve you, but not everything you do has to improve you. basically every romance novel has a girl and a guy, they fall for each other eventually, seemingly insurmountable obstacles are thrown in their way, but they always happily end up together. like an emotional orgasm.

and i don't mind. you read the book, if it's decent and halfway believable, then you feel for the characters, get that icky feeling when you see they're obviously perfect for each other and shit gets in the way, and when they finally get together that icky feeling multiplies the warm fuzzy feelings. it's the whole sharpening-the-contrasts idea--the lower the book can believably make you feel, the higher you'll seem to be with the happy ending. and the best part is that you know there will be a happy ending with a romance novel. one of the few things you don't need to doubt in life.

i suppose i revise what i said at first then. i hate that icky feeling in real life because it seems hopeless and you never know how long it lasts...and unlike romance novels, you don't know whether it will end well.

so you kill the feeling, and when it's completely gone, you complain again because you feel just a little bit...empty.

* * *
"Cannonball" -Damien Rice

still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
still a little hard to say what's going on

still a little bit of your ghost, your witness
still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each day
that i can't say what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball

still a little bit of your song in my ear
still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to me
so close that i can't see what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to cry
so come on courage!
teach me to be shy
'cause it's not hard to fall
and i don't want to scare her
it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna lose
it's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know

had a great outing with the family to san francisco with cousin tom today. tapas at andalu, night market at chinatown, and dessert at equinox room. i ate so much that i'm still full :)

i realized i really am a cheap date. i feel the effects of one drink (okay, if it has a significant amount of alcohol), don't mind cheap food at all (mmm..."our place" with bea), and will pay for myself if i can without too much resistance.

so i read somewhere that for our generation, dating is a lot more confusing because of blurring gender roles. i can understand that. men used to know what was expected of them--they knew they had to court women, pay for things, buy gifts, whatever. women knew they were supposed to be courted and shouldn't be "easy" if they wanted to get married. but these days, a guy doesn't know whether a girl will get pissed if he tries to pay or doesn't try to pay, and a girl has to decide not only when a first kiss is allowed but whether she'll allow sex too. all very complicated, making the rules up as we go. everyone's just feeling in the dark and hoping to grab a boob or something.

i'm rather torn about it all. on one hand, i would like to be independent and strive for more equality of the sexes, but on the other, who doesn't like a free dinner? i guess i suggest paying for myself and back down upon insistence...but bringing it up can be so awkward sometimes.

it's difficult trying to be independent when so much of what you've seen on tv or in the movies or read in books or heard on the radio depicts "romantic" as "old-fashioned" too. you know, all that chivalrous stuff. you can't help being affected: "ooh well he would do this if he really liked me..." i can open doors by myself since i have at least one functioning hand, but guys are supposed to do that for girls if they're polite. i love getting flowers, but i have absolutely no logical reason why. yeah, they're pretty and smell lovely, but so standard that the guy probably picked them up from safeway 10 minutes before and they'll rot in the vase after a couple days and cause a disgusting stench.

they don't last, probably don't have much meaning behind them, and are not practical. i know all this. but alas, where are my flowers? haha.

* * *
"Volcano" -Damien Rice

don't hold yourself like that
you'll hurt your knees
i kissed your mouth and back
but that's all i need
don't build your world around volcanoes melt you down
what i am to you is not real
what i am to you, you do not need
what i am to you is not what you mean to me
you give me miles and miles of mountains
and i'll ask for the sea

don't throw yourself like that
in front of me
i kissed your mouth, your back
is that all you need?
don't drag my love around volcanoes melt me down
what i am to you is not real
what i am to you, you do not need
what i am to you is not what you mean to me
you give me miles and miles of mountains
and i'll ask for what i give to you
is just what i'm going through
this is nothing new
no, no, just another phase of finding what i really need
is what makes me bleed
but like a new disease, lord, she's still too young to treat
volcanoes melt me down
she's still too young
i kissed your mouth
you do not need me