i hate money. thinking about money ruins everything. god. screw it all. it's the root of evil, stress, frustration, and conflict. plus tuition's being hiked up 4.9% next year. uuugggghhhh. it's stuff like this that makes me want to become a socialist. okay, maybe not, but money still sucks.

it's a lovely day today =) blue as far as the eye can see, a slight breeze, and campus is as beautiful as ever. the rain from yesterday cleansed the sky. also i had a good six hours of sleep last night and only one class today...feeling quite cheery =D

saw a flyer on the ground for a club party called "fahrenheit"...somehow i think a party called "celsius" or "kelvin" wouldn't sound quite as cool. 98 degrees wouldn't sound quite as hot if they were the equivalent 37 degrees celsius either. we americans are odd. =)

i've started liking sappy songs again...while i was asexual, i only liked alternative/rock. ah well.

michelle and i were talking the other day about chick flicks and we discussed whom we would end up with if our lives were chick flicks...interesting how real life is completely different. i mean, from a very objective point of view and drawing from my chick-flick-viewing experience, i can make a few guesses as to how things should have turned out with different people if my life were a chick flick, and wow, they're just completely unrealistic. the basic chick flick plot falls along these lines: girl and guy like each other (even if they don't know it yet), some obstacle or denial gets in the way, third/fourth/fifth parties get involved making the situation more complicated (drama is all-important), then comes a moment of revelation and the two end up happily-ever-after together while the supporting characters end up with each other (if they're sympathetic characters) or miserable and alone (if they're scheming/deceitful/mean). the end (in which we automatically assume matrimony and many babies are involved). now working from this premise, any guy that circumstance/timing/coincidence takes away from you will be restored because some cosmic love-god-power controls all romances so that true love reigns. hm. excuse me if i'm a bit skeptical. i see plenty of wonderful, healthy relationships out there, but i doubt everything just fell into perfect place because two people were just "meant to be." sure, you could say things haven't worked out for me yet because i wasn't "meant to be" with any previous people, but the older i get, the more i think that this love business mainly involves a lot of work, strategizing, compromising, and luck. and not much meant-to-be-ness.

and i don't think that love at first sight exists. that's ridiculous to me...how can you feel something so deep for someone only by seeing them once? i'd call "love at first sight" attraction/lust/infatuation and self-delusion that pans out into a good relationship. right now, i see love as a connection and friendship that deepens through time, association, and trust--a thread connecting two people that strengthens and evolves as time passes, the amount of time being variable i suppose. heck, maybe love doesn't even exist. some psychologist once said that eventually you get over that hormonal sparkly attraction stage after around three years, and afterward the relationship lasts only if the two make up their minds to be together. but what do i know? my heart twists and i melt when i see some poignant, cliched scene on the movie screen anyway. damned media. =P although in defense of my rational mind, i do have a limit to the amount of sappiness i can digest--i need a degree of realism in my chick flicks. ooh, that reminds me, love jones is a great romance, one of the most realistic i can recall. when harry met sally is still a classic...but i have to admit my favorite purely sappy movie is still while you were sleeping. i'm not even sure why...it's just cute.

whoa, where did this blog come from anyway? must be because everyone is bringing up the topic of relationships and junk because valentine's day is near. as for my opinion on that, suffice to say that i find it completely commercialized and unnecessary--single people feel miserable about themselves and involved people feel forced into performing superhuman "romantic" feats. it's merely another day...the origins of vday are all legend and most likely embellished. and if you cared about your partner enough, you would be showing that you love him/her every other day anyway. ah well. it's not that i'm bitter or whatever, i just don't agree with the current principles behind valentine's day now--if you want to give a card to someone special, make one yourself instead of buying a ready-made one that adds to the commercialism. or something. i'll be making and selling balloon bouquets and candy all next week as a fundraiser for kdphi--yep, capitalizing on valentine's day. it'll be nice to make people happy by giving them these balloons, but yeah, you could give your honey balloons any other day too. valentine's day is so arbitrary. i don't agree with it. if i were in a relationship, the most i'd do would be to write a card and have dinner together anywhere. i wouldn't be expecting too much either--no need to stress just because it's february 14th.

hm. even though i have issues with valentine's day, i really am still a sap and idealist at heart. i blame the media. but seriously, being sappy/idealistic and not liking valentine's day are not mutually exclusive. think about it--because i am idealistic, i have issues with valentine's day (explained above). makes sense. when it comes to relationships though, i find it so hard to have one simple single stance i can stick to...my rational, reasonable side is always clashing with my hopeless romantic. excuse my inconsistencies and tangential ramblings tonight...i haven't figured out my head yet either. anyway, time for me to think about more important things--like my bio lab pset, protocol, and write-up. cheerio!

nooo! i lost it! my complete asexuality/anaphrodisia. =( booooo. thanks, sherman! >=| well, i suppose this time was past due anyhow. it just made life so much easier while it lasted. so now my wallpaper is of orlando bloom (legolas in lord of the rings) and i spent too many minutes surfing this page on an actor named daniel wu. they both have nice bodies. daniel wu seem to look either really hot or dorky asian, but he does wushu and is originally from the US. it's a nice mix =) did i ever say that cute guys who are good at martial arts are sexy? dang. ack, stop my resurrected boy-craziness! it's just going to leave me frustrated and helpless. looking around campus, there's nothing available...because all the somethings are not.

in good news, i had a nice chat with deb tonight about...interesting topics =) it was nice getting caught up with her.

everyone around me is getting sick. i must ingest more vitamin C or something. and i should try to wear this particular pair of jeans less often to school because i get the worst wedgies while biking with them on. =P

* * *
"Incurable" ~Dorothy Parker

And if my heart be scarred and burned,
The safer, I, for all I learned;
The calmer, I, to see it true
That ways of love are never new-
The love that sets you daft and dazed
Is every love that ever blazed;
The happier, I, to fathom this:
A kiss is every other kiss.
The reckless vow, the lovely name,
When Helen walked, were spoke the same;
The weighted breast, the grinding woe,
When Phaon fled, were ever so.
Oh, it is sure as it is sad
That any lad is every lad,
And what's a girl, to dare implore
Her dear be hers forevermore?
Though he be tried and he be bold,
And swearing death should he be cold,
He'll run the path the others went....
But you, my sweet, are different.

i had such a nice weekend =) as you can see, i had fun partying friday night *cough* i was still "happy" when i wrote that. =D saturday was oh-so-chill...we had a nice exchange with the new sigma theta psi sorority at mango cafe...first time i've tried carribean food. yummy! and the smoothie tina and i shared was huge! it was pretty much in a glass bowl with a stem on the bottom so it could masquerade as a glass. then i went over to tcs night market, but got there too late to do any significant work at our green-tea-ice-cream-selling table. i didn't mean to be a slacker! =) we just ran out of ice cream quickly. saw many people there and caught the tail end of the wushu performance. nice. sunday i just worked. whooee.

and here is an early valentine's greeting, but please don't click if you're ah...a sensitive person =D

that reminds me of this ultra-violent hong kong movie i saw last year in my dorm called story of riki. it was supposed to be the goriest hk flick ever...and it certainly seemed like it. it was just nasty, but something about it compelled me to keep watching. it was a complete "ew" but "haha" experience at the same time...you might know what i mean if you look at the valentine's greeting ;-) i just remember this one ridiculous scene in story of riki when the badly-dubbed bad guy says something along the lines of "i know i cannot defeat you and live," then proceeds to slice his own stomach open, pull out his intestines (which had an amazing resemble to sausage links covered in ketchup), and attempts to strangle riki with them. yes, you heard me. i believe his thoughts were running along the lines of "i have a knife here, but instead of trying to kill riki with it, i will slice myself open and strangle him with my intestines!" hahahaha...ew, but hahahaha.

you make me wonder...

(longer blog to come today. really. =)