"i tried to give blood and all i got was this lousy bruise." that should be my t-shirt or be written on me or something. =P i'm so pathetic. my veins are too small to donate blood. after digging around inside my arm for a good couple of minutes, they ended up popping one of my veins so now i have a fatty bruise on my left arm since i have no ice here to put on it either. dorm life is so ghetto.

sometimes i really hate making decisions. i suck it up anyway and eventually decide, but ever since reaching that point in life where everything is no longer good/bad or white/black, it seems there is only endless gray. it is vital to try to see as many aspects and sides as possible before a decision...but deciding becomes that much more difficult. no matter which way you turn, which side you embrace, it's horrible when you know both are not "all good." i'm so sorry.

don't want, can't have...which one came first?

it's not normally a big deal, but sometimes during those moments when i first wake up and my mind is quiet...i wonder.

* * *
...i'll throw my heart out, keep my head up, i cannot fuck up...

i attempted to learn the convention dance tonight..."attempted" being the key word. memorizing is fine, but my body just doesn't know how to do some of those things =P ah well. i still have...two nights to learn. HAH. you can't get me to decently learn and perform a dance in that short period of time...unless it's "elvira" or line dancing or something. remember "elvira"?? =) ooh, or better yet, let's social dance! ;-)

i wish i could dance well though. that would be so cool. but no, i look more like a wooden plank trying to bend when i dance. not a stick...a plank. my body is odd. it's like really skinny from the side but when you look from the front, it forms two straight lines on either side. therefore, i am a plank. =) maybe that's because i always sleep on my back. gravity squished me flat.

perhaps my goal for the summer should be to learn how to do a decent body roll. that and make salmon en papillote. yeah, i'm random. oh well.

what a novel feeling. i always thought i was rather harmless. but then i think about the source and don't really give a #$!@.

sorry, i'm done with the cryptic comments for now. promise.

reflecting on how life was at this time last year, i can't believe how much things have changed. relationships, perceptions, situations, people...i miss the life of a carefree, naive freshman. everything seems to be an uphill battle these days with more and more huge stones being rolled down during the ascent. i'm like the cartoon character that occasionally doesn't quite dodge that one boulder and gets squished into a pancake-thin sheet before popping back relatively good as new--being squooshed definitely slows down the journey though. just need to focus on the goal and not sleep too long.

hey, i said i was done with cryptic comments...didn't say a thing about stupid analogies. =)

had dinner tonight with my little sis too. and wow, extreme daring with the grunge! ;-)

Which Toe Are You?

i'm so amused that this quiz exists at all. have you ever wondered which toe you are?

busybusy weekend. here are some highlights i want to record for myself, and you can obviously read them too if you give a rat's behind. =)

i went home for a couple hours again on saturday and spent some quality time with my lovely sister and relatives. senior ball prep time for amanda, "not too quick" boys, flowers, lip balm, mall, futile jeans search...my mom liked her belated mother's day present! it's so cute when she tells me in her gruff mommy-tone that i shouldn't have bought her a present again and mutters something about too many flowers, but i can still hear a smile in her voice. she's not as tough of a cookie as she likes to seem. i think i get that from her sometimes. maybe we're more like good bagels--crunchy (or crispy! hah! you know, crispy looks incorrectly spelled these days...don't you think it's missing an "h"? ;-) on the outside and warm and squishy on the inside.

uh...yeah. so anyway, had a wonderful chinese seafood dinner (crab!) with my genetically-related folk, played with my nephews and niece (my cousin's kids, not my sister's ;-), and watched brandon show me a part of his may day dance since i will unfortunately be at school during his performance. my little brother is such a hoot. although having a may day dance during june is beyond me.

i hurried back to campus for fashion show--wow. that show kicked an amazing amount of ass and everyone was so sexy! ;-) the flowers i brought along came with a surprise though. i thought it was just a blob of dirt, so i tried to wipe it on the side of the cup--but it was squishy and moved and i accidentally killed it and EWW! slugs are somehow attracted to me. i am so disturbed. i later handed over the flowers, slug-free, to my girls. also donated money to stopping violence domestic violence and received a very cute tube top with a hand-written quote: "the strongest prisons are built with walls of silence." there was a fashion show afterparty too--i was way too sober among way too many drunk people. ah well.

volunteered at the bing nursery children's day fair today--little kiddies are so fun. =) and a big handful. pros and cons, pros and cons. some kids can get pretty violent with rubber duckies too. mountain view street fair, pearl milk tea, rhinestones and fabric glue, meeting, my le sitting in my lap O_o (and p-ro was on my ass the night before! uh...all in the name of bonding, right?) sisterhood dinner tonight--talked about girls, guys, horny chihuahuas, elephants, etc. (not all at once of course, you freak.) good times. =)